Almost 20 Questions

Magnolia tagged me, and I needed something to write, so here you go!

1) If you have pets, do you see them as merely animals, or are they members of your family?
Since we're not planning on having kids, Buster is a member of our family. He's our baby. And we spoil him accordingly. Lately I've been giving him meat trimmings while I'm cooking (sort of) and now every time I go into the kitchen he follows me and looks at me expectantly. I also give him too many treats without making him do tricks. He doesn't want to eat his regular food as much anymore, so maybe this is a problem. He's not starving, so I think I'm good.

2) If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
There are a lot of things I would like to see happen, and most of them I actually wouldn't want to happen because they would change fundamental things in my life that I'm extremely happy about. For example, I would love to own my own yarn/craft store, but that would mean giving up my job, which I love, and giving up chemistry, which I really love.


3) What is the one thing most hated by you?
"easy. willful ignorance." I copy this. If you don't know about something, that's fine, because you can learn something and rectify the situation. But there are so many people who are content to be ignorant, simply striving for mediocrity, and that, my friends, is the real meaning of stupidity. The worst part is, most willfully ignorant people despise those who would learn and grow. Almost my entire extended family on Mim's side are like this. It makes family reunions so interesting.

4) What would you do with a billion dollars?
Pay off my house and Mim's house, buy Kwiddens a house, set up trust funds for Em and Jorg and Nyah, buy everyone cars, start my own business (and one for Scott, too), etc. I'm sure I wouldn't be able to use up even a million of it before I ran out of ideas.


5) What helps to pull you out of a bad mood?
Scott can usually pull me out of a bad mood, but if not, there's always yarn. Unless I'm having a panicky sort of bad mood, in which case I take Klonopin, then use the yarn.


6) Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
How about both? It sucks to be at one end of only one of those. On one, you feel hopeless that the other person will ever love you, and on the other one you feel like you're being creepy-stalked.


7) What is your bedtime routine?
Take medicine and brush my teeth, change into pajamas, turn on my electric blanket and climb into bed with my lappie, surf the internet while Scott surfs the internet on his side of the bed on his lappie, or maybe read a bit of a book, then I start trying to fall asleep while Scott drinks his chocolate milk and eats his crackers.


8) If you are currently in a relationship, how did you meet your partner?
Hot Or Not. No joke. We were both on there just for funsies and we said hi and started talking online here and there (this was my sophomore year of college) and then we started talking like every day in November of my Junior year, and then he came out to Utah for a funeral (he had been living in Colorado) and while he was there we met and had a great time together, so when he got back to Colorado he packed up and moved back here (he was originally from Bountiful) and that was that.


9) If you could watch a creative person in the act of the creative process, who would it be?
I don't like watching people come up with things. It takes time. It's like watching paint dry. I'd rather see the end result.


10) What kinds of books do you read?
Knitting books, my favorites over and over (Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, The Chronicles of Narnia, Leven Thumps, I know I'm one of those dorks), and sometimes I make it to the library and check out a classic, like something by Jane Austen. I used to read a lot more, but I find that I enjoy knitting more lately.


11) How would you see yourself in ten years' time?
Probably roughly where I am now, but older and richer.


12) What's your fear?
SPIDERS. I hate them. They're gross and creepy and scary. I'm also afraid of losing people, and losing my sanity.

13) Would you give up all junk food for the rest of your life for the opportunity to visit outer space?
Space isn't cool; all that's out there (within reach) is space junk. BORING. I love ice cream too much.

14) Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
Married and poor wasn't too bad.


15) What's the first thing you do when you wake up?
Hit snooze. And again. And again. Then I let Buster outside.


16) If you could change one thing about your spouse/partner, what would it be?
I wish he recognized his brilliance and potential. He's down on himself a lot of the time and I wish he had the same amount of faith in himself that I have in him: a TON.

17) If you could pick a new name for yourself, what would it be?
Don't wanna.


18) Have you ever been betrayed by a family member? What did you do to get through it and go on with life? What made it better? Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing that special someone has done?
Well, I've touched on this in the past. I have been betrayed. I'm still in the middle of it with someone. Getting through it involves getting together with people that understand the need to trash talk and trash talking the crap out of this person. I don't really mean it (well...most of it) but it helps to rant. I can never forget, but in other cases I've been able to forgive. The thing is, I'm going to have a hard time forgiving if the person would never even admit he's done anything wrong, let alone apologize for it.

19) If you could only eat one thing for the next 6 months, what would it be?
My first instinct was ice cream, but then Magnolia said salad and it hit me: there are so many more varieties of salad! And I wouldn't feel like crap all the time! I had some salad at a great salad bar the other night with Kwiddens, and it always hits the spot.

Pictures To Catch Up

I hate Blogger with an unbridled passion. I hate centered text, but it won't let me use left alignment because it's a piece of...never mind...just got it to work...

First up is a picture of the lovely Em, who has changed her hair once again. It's a very very dark blue, so dark that you can't tell it's blue until you're right up on it. I love it.

Nyah is starting to eat solid foods! Here she is trying sweet potatoes for the first time. Only babies are adorable when they spit food out; anyone else gets dirty looks.

This is Mim's deck. This is only one of the snow storms she's had this winter. We haven't been so lucky; we get a bit, then it melts, then we get a bit more, and right now it's staying but who knows for how long?

Poor Kwiddens finally got her wisdom teeth taken out. This picture is not flattering at all, but she said I could put it on the internet so here you go. She was miserable not being able to eat regularly, and at one point she got dry socket and had to go in for extra care. She hated the clove oil they packed them with, but remembering back to when I had mine taken out, I loved it! It smelled so good and the pain was all but gone!

A long time ago I posted a picture of a pair of lacy gloves I had made, but I never posted about the scarf that matches them:

It's a wool/cashmere blend, so it's super soft and surprisingly warm.

Here is my Christmas tree skirt. I made it myself.

Here is my Christmas tree, all decked out with my handmade ornaments. I can't decide if I'm sick of them or not. Part of me wants to just get new, store-bought ornaments and make it look more put-together, and sell the old set. There's a lot there, and it's all handmade lace, so I might be able to get at least $100 for it. Maybe.

Reverb 10: Achieve

December 28 Achieve


What's the thing you most want to achieve next year?  How do you imagine you'll feel when you get it? Free? Happy? Complete? Blissful? Write that feeling down. Then, brainstorm 10 things you can do, or 10 new thoughts you can think, in order to experience that feeling today.

I want to get down to my ideal weight. That's all I really want to achieve. I mean, yes, I want to get more done on the house and I definitely want to knit more beautiful things and I want to keep blogging; there are definitely other things that I want to achieve. BUT, this is the biggest goal I have for this year. It's within reach. I know I can get there. But once I get there...

...I have to maintain it. I HAVE to. I know I've been sort of obsessing about it lately, but I will go insane and do crazy things if I don't. It's going to be hard. I'm just going to have to say no to so many tasty things. But it will be worth it in the end.

Now, when I make it down to my ideal weight, I'm going to feel hope. Hope that I can keep working hard and keep the weight off. Hope that I'll continue to get regular exercise. Hope that I'll eventually be able to break this stupid cycle of weight loss (and loving myself) and weight gain (and hating myself) and be happy and whole.

Ten things I can do or think today (or in the next few weeks, maybe?) that can help me experience a feeling of hope today (or in the next few weeks, maybe?):

1. Thought: I have eaten nothing but good, healthy food since the day after Christmas. I know that's only three days so far, but I'm thinking positive here.
2. Action: I will continue to eat nothing but good, healthy food. I know I can't portion, so I'm just not going to tempt myself. It's a little easier since Scott is dieting, too.
3. Thought: I feel great when I exercise.
4. Action: I will get to the gym at least three times a week consistently, and five days a week if I can.
5. Thought: I am stronger than my cravings.
6. Action: I will stop and think when I crave something. I will try to figure out what emotion I'm experiencing, and go from there.
7. Thought: I am beautiful regardless of my shape or size.
8. Action: I will ignore the mirror on bad days, and prance around in front of it on good days.
9. Thought: Although weight matters, it's more about how healthy I feel.
10. Action: I will continue to weigh myself, because I don't think I can NOT weigh myself, but I will gauge my progress more by how much energy I have and how I feel about myself. This doesn't mean I'm going to stop trying to lose weight. It just means that if I get down to 140 pounds (the upper "healthy" weight limit for my height) and I feel healthy, I won't obsess over losing more.

I'm betting putting these thoughts into action is going to be easier said than done. But what kind of a journey would life be if I got it all easily? I'll just have to chant to myself "Whatever doesn't kill me will make me stronger" over and over (and then be mad that I can't eat candy).

And check it out. I'm all caught up! Until tomorrow.

Drooling...

I MUST finish a project before starting these...

...but Scott already bought me the yarn for them...

Reverb 10: Photo

December 25 Photo


Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you.

I have two for you. Bonus!

First up is one I shot myself. I was working on Mim's blanket at work, and I took this picture to send to her to get her excited about it (she was!). This is me, and who I strive to be, because my hand is there, and I AM my hands. My hands make me a very good living (and they take a beating in the process...). I also do everything I enjoy with my hands. Making things soothes me. It's fun. It's a great creative outlet, and I find I can focus better if my hands are moving. Back when I used to go to church I would always bring a small project to work on so I could focus on the meetings. If I didn't my attention would wander.

Next is a picture Scott took of me in our house while we were working on something or other, and this personifies me because I AM CLUMSY and for someone who works with her hands (see above), I'm not all that dexterous. Supergluing the superglue to my fingers is the least of my worries.

Reverb 10: Beyond Avoidance

December 20 Beyond Avoidance

What should you have done this year but didn't because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy, or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?)

There are a few things. One is painting the rest of my living room and kitchen. I'm not scared about it or anything (because that would just be weird); I just keep putting it off. I know it'll get done, probably early this coming year, since we need to finish paint before we put down the new floor. I just keep putting it off because I'm having so much fun making things with sticks and string...

The other thing is exercise. I've been deterred from exercising this past month just because I've been eating terribly and I feel all blah and my feet still hurt...I know, it's excuses, but I'm jumping back in as soon as Christmas is over. My goal is to go to the gym every day (and if I set that goal, I'll skip sometimes but still go at least three times a week, and that's acceptable to me).

2011 needs to be the year of exercise for me. It needs to be the year I solidify good eating and exercise habits. I want to start running, but I'm going to need to get some more weight off before I try, because my knees are going to take the most damage. I also need to go back to spinning, because it's a great workout and doesn't hurt my joints as much. Once I've lost a bit more weight and gotten my lungs a bit more fit, I want to try Zumba again. It was fun, but I just couldn't keep up and, once again, I think the extra weight was putting too much pressure on my joints.

Reverb 10: Try

December 18 Try


What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did/didn't go for it?

Well. In 2011 I would like to try to expand my sock knitting skills by adding a few new techniques to my repertoire. I am currently looking at a pattern for a gorgeous pair of knee socks that I am simply drooling to try! In fact, Scott wanted to buy me another Christmas present, so I casually pointed out what yarn I would need for them, and he bought it! I also went on Etsy the other day and bought a whole bunch of stitch markers.

So far, in sock knitting, I've done almost all in plain stockinette stitch. I like using dyed yarn and watching the color changes, and most of the time I think too much color variation plus a stitch pattern looks too busy. SO, I would like to try something more challenging. These new socks, being knee socks, will have shaping in the calf area instead of being the same width the whole length of the sock. The pattern involves some charts, which I've never used before, so I'll have to learn how to read those. It involves some lace, which will be a challenge, and has some new Japanese stitches that I've never used before. All in all, I think I'm insane to tackle this, but I'm ready to hone my skills (plus they're really pretty and I like wearing pretty socks).

As for trying something this past year, I tried to stay at 150 lbs. That didn't quite work out. I am glad I tried, though. I'm just that much closer to being able to change my habits and become healthy and fit. I'm going to try again this next year, and I have a good feeling about it. I think that, since Scott and I will be dieting together, we'll be more successful. It's so much harder to diet when other people around you aren't, so we will be there to support each other and help each other out when it gets hard.

Reverb 10: Action

December 13 Action


When it comes to aspirations, it's not about ideas. It's about making ideas happen. What is your next step?

I suppose this question wants to know what my process is: how I go from idea to MAGIC.

I like making lists and spreadsheets and pro/con lists. I mean really like.

For Mim's blanket, when I wanted to expand it, I decided to make four of the original pattern and then connect them, but I didn't want all four to be the same. SO, I made a spreadsheet, listing each square and what colors make up each round, then making three more columns in which I rotated the colors by one for each new square.

Yep. I'm a freak.

But organization makes me so happy.

I always make a plan, put it on paper, planning each step and what I need to have ready to be able to complete that step, then do it in order (as much as possible), crossing off items off my list as I go.

It takes a few extra minutes (or hours...I make really good spreadsheets!) in the beginning but saves a ton of guesswork and planning throughout the whole process.

Reverb 10: 11 Things

December 11 11 Things


What are 11 things your life doesn't need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?

My life doesn't need:

1. Clutter. I'm going to try not to buy things I don't need. This does not include new music, movies, or TV. This does include jewelry I don't ever get a chance to wear, extra clothes or shoes, even books about yarn that I realistically won't get a chance to use. I'm even not going to buy yarn unless I need it for a specific project. I have plenty.

2. Prejudice. I need to stop making snap judgements made from one small characteristic I see in someone, or from one little thing someone does. I don't do this often, though; mostly when I'm driving. Someone does something stupid and I assume they must be an idiot, when I do stupid things while driving just as often.

3. Food. I mean junk food. I need to fall in love with vegetables again.

4. Drama. I need to work on letting things go and on turning the other cheek. Some days I wake up and take everything personally, just because that's the mood I'm in because I'm nuts. Then I spend the whole day being mad at someone or something for no reason at all, and it totally ruins my day and stresses Scott out because he keeps thinking he did something to make me mad (you never do, Scott, you're an angel). The drama is all in my head!

5. Body fat. Gotta get rid of it!

I'm out. How about some things I do need in 2011?

1. More handmade socks. I'm working on a pair right now. I got the urge to make socks this weekend when I ran out of yarn for Mim's blanket, and when I went to grab my supplies, I had already made one sock! I had put it away and forgotten about it when I started Mim's blanket all those months ago!

2. A new floor for my kitchen. As much as I love walking around on carpet remnants...

3. I need to finish projects! This includes work on the house AND finishing as many yarny projects as I can. Eventually, I'd like to only have one or two going at any given moment. We'll see how that works out...

How will all these change my life? Well, if everything works out, my house will be cleaner, I will be happier (and have warmer feet), and I will be healthier. All good things!

Reverb 10: Beautifully Different

December 8 Beautifully Different

Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different - you'll find they're what make you beautiful.

I am beautiful. I admit it. Heh.

There are a lot of things that make me different from most people. How about a list?

1. I'm freaking nuts, you guys. Most people aren't (or at least they haven't been diagnosed...), so I am different. This is usually a bad thing, but medication is magic, so it's all good (most of the time). There is some good that comes from this, though. I have to keep a close eye on my moods, and why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling. I have to work hard to make sure this illness doesn't screw with my marriage (or any number of other things in my life), so I am very careful with my words and I consider carefully what the things I say will really say to other people. I'm not perfect about this, of course; everyone loses it once in a while and I am no exception (and anyone who says he/she never loses control is LYING) (unless it's Jesus). But I think that having to think carefully about the things I say helps me be more considerate and helps me communicate more effectively.

2. I get along way better with men than women. I have a few close girlfriends, but the vast majority of my good friends over the years have been dudes. Guys just make more sense to me. They aren't catty and most of the time they say what they mean, they don't overthink things or play games, and they don't gossip as much (not all women do this, of course, it's just a generalization). This has been frustrating in the past; when I was in high school and I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16, I couldn't hang out with my friends because it would be a "date", even though I had no romantic feelings for my guy friends. Mim and I fought about this one a lot. Fun times. Also, in college, before I dated Scott, I was totally in love with my best friend, and OH BOY did that complicate things.

3. How many women do YOU know who are chemists?

4. I am apparently the only person on the planet who doesn't want babies. Ok, I suppose that's a slight exaggeration...I can think of...two other people who don't want kids, and one of them is married to me. I would be totally willing to donate my eggs to help other people have babies, but they won't take them because of #1 (I'm crazy).

5. Something different I do that lights people up...? I really like sharing what I have with other people (unless it's yarn; I'm a total Yarn Scrooge), but I don't think that's that different.

I can't think of anything else. And I don't see how these make me beautiful, but Scott and my mommy think I'm pretty so I suppose that's all that matters.

Reverb 10: Community

December 7 Community

Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create, or more deeply connect with in 2011?

In 2010 I feel like I have found a little niche in the blogging community. I've been blogging for a long time, but for the longest time I had very few followers; it was basically just for me and a few close friends. But this past year a few people started reading what I have to say, and I read what they have to say, and I'm really enjoying it. When I write something and someone leaves a comment, I feel validated, and some days I really need that.

As to 2011, I want to become more involved in the crochet/kniting community, both online and here where I live. I'm on Ravelry, but I don't usually sign on except to check my messages. I need to blog more about the things I make, as well. I have to show off to someone! In my town, I've joined a small crochet group that meets Wednesday nights, and I've missed several weeks (and several weeks were cancelled) due to various reasons, and I want to go more often. It's a lot of fun, and frankly, I need to get out of the house more.

Reverb 10: Make

December 6 Make


What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?

HA. Easiest question EVER.

Um, yes, I have in fact made something recently; something I enjoyed making so much that I'm making more of it and expanding the fun! I'm talking about the blanket for Mim, of course!

I love making this blanket. It's made of 17 different colors of simple fingering-weight wool yarn (Knitpicks Palette, to be specific). It's taking me hours and hours and I am loving every minute of it. In fact, I'm thinking of new color schemes to make the blanket again for me when I'm finished!

As to there being something I want to make, there is something...not something specific, but something I'd like to learn: cooking food. Edible food, that is. I'm experimenting currently with my crockpot. This past week I made a really good pork roast, which unfortunately didn't reheat well. It was very good, though, and I have pre-made spice mixes to thank for it! Really, I don't care if it's cheating. I'll use anything to help myself with this goal.

Reverb 10: Writing

December 2 Writing

What do you do each day that doesn't contribute to your writing - and can you eliminate it?

Well. I don't consider myself a serious writer. I mean, it would be wicked awesome to write a book someday or something...actually, it's something I've always wanted to do. But this blog? It's not supposed to  be professional. It's not even an obligation. So even if something weren't contributing to my writing, I wouldn't be concerned about it.

That being said, I must answer the prompt! So I suppose I have this habit of watching the same TV series over and over again...I suppose that could be stifling creativity as a result of inspiration from new material. In my own defense, however, I am knitting or crocheting while I watch the shows, so it's nicer for me to watch a show I've seen before so I can follow the story without looking at the screen as much. It turns out, I have to look while I crochet. I know there are people that can do it without looking, but I lack that particular skill.

I suppose I could try to work more time into my day to work on writing, but as I said, I'm not really serious about it. Don't get me wrong, I love blogging, but writing more just isn't on my list of goals.

Honestly, There Were More Marshmallows Than Fruit

I didn't have an opportunity to do a Thanksgiving post...oh, who am I kidding, I had many MANY opportunities, but almost my entire weekend was spent curled up on the couch with my favorite fuzzy purple blankie working on the blanket for Mim. I finished it ages ago, and it was too small, so I had asked Mim to expand the pattern for me, but she's so freaking busy that it didn't get done until I showed her what I had so far and she suggested I make it again and connect the two...but I'm going for broke and making four, and to make it fun I'm rotating what colors go where for each one. I made a spreadsheet. I love spreadsheets. We should get a room.

Anyway.

Lazy me.

At least my lazy times are still productive. I get blankets and socks and such out of it, so it's not a total waste of time.

So Thanksgiving. Usually Scott and I stay overnight a day or two at Mim's house, but Scott has allergies so in order to do that he has to be so totally stoned on all sorts of meds that it's not as fun. This year we decided to just head down to Mim's Thanksgiving morning and spend all day there. The holiday was spent cooking, eating, playing games, watching movies (do you know how adorable "Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs" is??), and just enjoying each other's company. No pressure, no schedules.

We ended up going to the store twice that morning because we kept forgetting things. One of them was butter, and there is just no way to do Thanksgiving without butter. Fortunately, I didn't have to make that trip...people in stores on holidays are generally freaking nuts.

We had our usual: turkey, cranberry sauce, marshmallow fruit salad, pie, more pie, mashed potatoes, butter corn, more marshmallow fruit salad...yum. Nothing weird. Everything was perfect. I do have a confession, though: I didn't eat any turkey. I wanted to have room for other, more important things, such as second portions of marshmallow fruit salad.

So that was about it. It was relaxing and awesome. I got to play with the baby and hug my brother and sisters. What more could I want?

So now for the cliche: a list of what I'm thankful for this year.

• Family. Duh.
• Especially Scott. Another duh.
• The miracle of modern medicine, which enables me to experience emotions I never could before, while keeping the totally crappy emotions in check.
• Egg nog. You knew it was coming.
• My fabulous job. I make more than I need doing something I love. How many people can honestly say that?
• My new kitchen, paid for with the money I make at my awesome job.
• The ability to not eat french fries for more than six months this past year. I think I should go back to not eating them...
• And on that note, I've been able to keep most of the weight I lost off. I am, however, mad at myself for gaining any of it back at all, but I'm continually working on making better food choices. Except when I'm not.
• Being completely totally done with my Christmas shopping so I didn't even have to leave my house on Black Freaking Friday, the day when nice, normal people turn into demons.

Life is good, you know?

There Are NO SEAMS, People!

Once upon a time we started remodeling our kitchen. In January. I think. Early this year, at any rate. Months and months later, I have an actual kitchen. Like, a real one, with working appliances and real countertops instead of plywood and everything except a floor...we'll get there.

Anyway, without further ado, I present to you the (almost) final kitchen pictures:

First up, we have a detail that we didn't pressure ourselves to finish until we'd had a good, long rest. It turns out, putting in a whole kitchen worth of cabinets wears you out and then you want to spend the next few weekends vegging on the couch, crocheting a blanket while you watch BSG, even though your wonderful husband did most of the work. SO, we left the crown moulding until later, but it looks awesome and gorgeous, and calculating the correct angles at which to cut the pieces was a...well it sucked. There were expletives. But it looks awesome:

Next up is a picture of the right side of my new kitchen, with the countertops installed and things placed strategically around the kitchen (microwave, blender, etc.):

And the left side:

Brand new kitchen and I've already got a mess going on the counter. Fabulous.

One of the best parts of getting acrylic countertops is the fully integrated sink, a.k.a. NO SEAMS FOR GUNK TO BUILD UP IN. That means less cleaning, and we all know I'm not really into cleaning.

Another view of the left side, right after the countertops were installed, before the mess began:

And, one of my very favorite details:

Shiny new stainless steel faucet. It will eventually match our appliances.

They will all be stainless steel, and all the handles will match all the handles on the cabinets. This is very important. Because I'm nuts.

But first we need a floor.

All in good time.

Learning Tunisian

So I've been experimenting lately with a new form of crochet (well, not new, but new to me) called Tunisian.

Basically, you use a hook with a long cord on the end and you go across and back, always with the right side of the fabric facing you, unlike regular crochet, where you turn the fabric every row.

It's a cross between knitting and crocheting, if you ask me. In fact, there are ways to make it look just like knitting, if you're using the right stitches.

So, being me, instead of attempting the basic stitches first, I dove in and learned a lace stitch pattern.

I must say, I'm pretty adept at yarning because I got this:

On my first try.

I win.

(Ok, so it's not perfect, but nothing a little blocking can't fix, right?)

So SAD, But My Cabinets Are Gorgeous

There are just a few completely unrelated things bouncing around in my head today that I'd like to share.

Let me tell you something about me: daylight savings time totally effs me up. As soon as we made the time change and it was suddenly dark outside at freaking SIX...my body went OH NO NO SUNLIGHT LET'S CRY FOREVER. Seriously. I've got a few personal things on my mind that are just weighing on me terribly, and when I went to the gym and instead of feeling skinny and empowered and beautiful like I usually do, I went home and when I took my clothes off to take a shower and I saw myself in the mirror and I just...lost it.

I feel like I've been busting my ass trying to lose weight and it just doesn't happen. I know I could definitely do better. I could go to the gym more often (although I've been doing three times a week or more consistently) (because I'm a total ROCK STAR). And I know I could be eating better. Confession: I've been eating french fries lately. I don't think this is a problem in and of itself, because I'm not eating them often at all. But, all things considered, I could be doing better to eat healthier. So even though I'm a lot better off that I was a few years ago, I still feel like a total failure. After doing the hCG diet and losing so much weight so quickly, it is KILLING me to lose one pound a week (or some weeks not lose any) (ok, most weeks not lose any). I want a quick fix. I want to wake up one day and just magically be a size 8. Or a 10. Whatever. I just want to feel better about myself than I do now, and I feel like that's always going to be connected to the number on the scale. I'm just...stuck.

I'm sure I'll feel better later, but for now that's what's going on in my nutty head.

So anyway, back to yesterday after my shower. I got dressed and called Mim with only the intent of complaining about the size of my derriere, but what really happened was everything that I had been putting to the back of my mind for the last few weeks just came flooding out and before I knew it I was bawling and just freaking out about everything at once and my poor mother, who is a saint, talked me down. We talked about some really important stuff and I just have to say that she's the best friend a girl could ever have. She lets me say whatever I need to and she never gets offended or judgemental or anything like that, just like I can talk to Kwiddens and have her be totally awesome. I have some really awesome people in my life, I really do.

So, here's the plan:
Keep exercising.
Keep taking happy pills.
Bust out my SAD light. It's this amazing nifty light that mimics sunlight, and you shine it on yourself in the morning for a little while every day and it helps with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) (it's awesome that it's called that, because oh look, it makes you sad).

Blargh. I hate being crazy. Moving on.

Scott has been working very very hard, coding like no nerd has coded before, for a few months, building a new system at work. He recently finished it, and everyone in the entire company, and all the customers, and all the members of the board have had nothing but praise for the system, and I am SO proud of him. He works so hard, and I'm so glad he's getting some recognition for that. He's smart AND handy! Also, he gets more PTO than I do and he has to use it up by the end of the year, so he has every Friday for the rest of the year off, plus extra days around Christmas and Thanksgiving. Jerk (he totally deserves it though).

Last weekend we installed our new cabinets, and they look AMAZING! Amazing as in, I walk up the stairs and go WHOA IS THAT REALLY MY KITCHEN?? I've been intending to post about it, on here and on Facebook, but the SAD has got me feeling unmotivated to do ANYTHING except work on Mim's blanket. And watch Battlestar Galactica. Again. Really, the idea of sitting down and blogging has seemed totally boring to me (yet, here I am...blogging). So I will post about it, I promise, I just don't know when.

The countertop dude is coming over tomorrow while Scott is at home (not at work...jerk) to take measurements, and then the following Friday we'll have countertops installed and we will have a FULLY FUNCTIONAL KITCHEN. Like, appliances plugged in and water turned on and everything. You have no idea how excited I am about this.

I think once the countertops are in I'm going to go through all my dishes and such and decide what to keep and what to donate and organize everything exactly where I want it, and put the silverware in the SILVERWARE DRAWER...I don't know if I've ever mentioned it, but we didn't have a freaking silverware drawer before but now we do and it's the most awesomely epic thing EVER.

Then I plan on busting out the crock pot and learning to cook a bit. I'll actually have space to do it!

Now look. It's 7:30 and I'm so sleepy...stupid Daylight Savings Time. I wonder how long it's going to take me to adjust this time...and then I'll get to do it again in the spring. Oh, joy.

Chocolates, hCG, and Fog Machines, Oh My!

My favorite kind of chocolates are Queen Anne cherry cordials. Every year for Christmas someone in my family gets me a box, with the "e" scribbled out and replaced with an "a", which makes me the queen. I eat all of them in one day and it's delicious and amazing, but after I eat a whole box of them I'm sick of them and I don't want any more until next year.

I hate when people argue on Facebook. I got caught in the middle of an argument yesterday and it was mostly my fault...oops. This one involved someone ragging on the hCG diet, saying it doesn't work in the long run and it'll just make you unhealthy, etc. Well, let me tell you, I've kept 30 pounds off, my blood pressure and cholesterol went down, and now I can keep up with Scott while we're walking through a store. I can see how the weight would come back if you didn't change your eating and exercise habits, but I did and it's amazing. The end.

I ordered an industrial strength fog machine from Best Buy, and I chose (and paid for) the faster shipping. the website said it would be here by...YESTERDAY. They were supposed to send me an e-mail and charge my credit card when they shipped it, and I got neither an e-mail nor a charge. So last night I called customer service and tried to find out what was going on. I feel sorry for customer service people, because all they do all day is handle people's problems, and most of them aren't as polite as I am. Anyway. Even though it said nothing about it on the webpage, this item was special order through Best Buy from another company. The other company hadn't told Best Buy if they'd gotten the order or anything, so they were still in the dark. I'm mad. If, on the website, it says I will get my item by a specific day if I pay this much for shipping, I better get it then. As it stands, we may not get it at all before Halloween, which would totally suck.

THIS JUST IN:

I'm talking to Scott on messenger right now and he said Jon just told him a large package just arrived from Best Buy. I forgive them.

Work has been really slow lately. There are way fewer samples coming in from outside labs, so it's just our own every day, and it's not enough. I find myself killing time so I can get enough hours.

Me: Afternoon is the worst part of the day for me because everything is all done except I just have to wait for the machines to finish. And wait. And wait.
Kwiddens: Oh darn, you get paid to sit.
Me: I know, but I don't like waiting.
Kwiddens: Silly.

HOLY HELL I just got hit by a craving for Chinese food. I've had really intense cravings lately, and I don't know why.

The women at my new crochet group all do a different kind of crochet called Tunisian. It's almost a hybrid of knitting and crochet. I'm going to attempt to teach myself before we meet tonight.

Potions Class Would ROCK

So, it's no secret that I'm not much of a cook. I can make basic things, like pasta and sandwiches and almost anything pre-packaged that you just have to microwave, or throw in the oven, or throw in a skillet and simmer over medium-high heat for 7-9 minutes, or until cooked thoroughly (I make Bird's Eye Garlic Chicken enough to have it memorized, oh yes). I have, however, messed up these sorts of things. And I can't for the life of me boil a freaking egg.

You'd think that because cooking is following recipes and chemistry is following recipes (sometimes) that I would be totally awesomely awesome at cooking, but for whatever reason, I'm not (although I'm convinced that in Harry Potter's world, I would be AMAZING with Potions).

So here, I give you some of the reasons I don't cook.

Enjoy.

1. I don't enjoy doing dishes. Something about food residue sitting on dishes, getting gummy in the soapy water...blergh. It gets slimy on my fingers. Shoot me now.

2. The logical thing to do would be to use the dishwasher, right? Well, Utah has hard water. The hardest water I've ever encountered. And the dishwasher is really really good at coating all of our dishes with a crust of minerals. Yum. I mean, they're still clean. We eat off of them. It's just...well, we don't need to take extra mineral supplements is all I'm saying. After the kitchen cabinets and countertops are done, we're going to invest in a water softener. Expect a post about how happy that makes me.

3. I have plenty of time. I go to work for 8 hours, the gym for an hour, add in an hour for travel time and showering and such, and 8-9 hours for sleep, and VOILA! I have 5-6 hours each weekday for NOTHING. And even more on weekends! However, I just can't see spending much time making food in the crappy half-kitchen while there's so much YARN to be dealt with (and my new complete BSG series to watch...). So spending ten minutes making sandwiches? Absolutely.

4. Half-kitchen. HALF-KITCHEN. There's almost no counter space. All of our dishes are crammed in and stacked as tight as they will go into our little baby cabinets (they're going to be gone soon, WOO). All it takes is like one dirty bowl and spoon and then I'm out of counter space and there's nowhere to work any more and it's really frustrating, even when I'm just making sandwiches! Our new kitchen layout adds like eight more feet of countertops! Joy!

5. Since there are only two of us (well, three for now, if you count Jon), we don't need to make such large portions as recipes call for. If I did cook, there would always be tons of leftovers. WAIT. Then I might not have to cook the next day. Ok, maybe this isn't such a bad thing... But when I bake things, the baked things get eaten. Quickly. And in large quantities. And then my hips get bigger. I don't need that.

6. Lastly, my Scott is happy to cook, so why should I bother? Ha, just kidding Scottie!

This Post Is So Boring I Couldn't Think Of A Title

This morning I tried to redeem a Free Mountain Dew cap that I won from my last one, but Maverik doesn't redeem them, so I had to buy one instead. Fail. I have no idea where I can redeem it.

Last night I joined a crochet group run by a lady in my town in her home. I had been on Ravelry for a few weeks trying to get something together and she found me and  invited me to come to her group, so I did. It was pretty fun! There were only four people, but I got to show off a bit, and they were all working on Tunisian crochet (which is basically a hybrid of crocheting and knitting), which I think I might like to learn. I have instructions for it in my Harmony Guides, but I've never actually tried it. I think I really need to finish some of my current projects first, though. I have a baby blanket (for nobody in particular - just thought it might be wise to have a spare, just in case someone gets babied) that's almost finished. In fact, I think it's big enough now and I could be done any time I want, and then I just have to put an edging on it.

Mercury has been giving me issues this week. They're not major, but if it happens again I'll need someone to come out and take a look at it. For now she's running just fine, so I'll just cross my fingers.

I'm still working back up to where I was at the gym. It's slow going, and I hate it, but there's nothing I can do to speed up the process, since I still get pain. It's less pain, though, so at least I'm making progress.

We're inching toward being able to paint in the kitchen.

And that's all I can think of today. I'm getting boring.