Almost 20 Questions

Magnolia tagged me, and I needed something to write, so here you go!

1) If you have pets, do you see them as merely animals, or are they members of your family?
Since we're not planning on having kids, Buster is a member of our family. He's our baby. And we spoil him accordingly. Lately I've been giving him meat trimmings while I'm cooking (sort of) and now every time I go into the kitchen he follows me and looks at me expectantly. I also give him too many treats without making him do tricks. He doesn't want to eat his regular food as much anymore, so maybe this is a problem. He's not starving, so I think I'm good.

2) If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
There are a lot of things I would like to see happen, and most of them I actually wouldn't want to happen because they would change fundamental things in my life that I'm extremely happy about. For example, I would love to own my own yarn/craft store, but that would mean giving up my job, which I love, and giving up chemistry, which I really love.


3) What is the one thing most hated by you?
"easy. willful ignorance." I copy this. If you don't know about something, that's fine, because you can learn something and rectify the situation. But there are so many people who are content to be ignorant, simply striving for mediocrity, and that, my friends, is the real meaning of stupidity. The worst part is, most willfully ignorant people despise those who would learn and grow. Almost my entire extended family on Mim's side are like this. It makes family reunions so interesting.

4) What would you do with a billion dollars?
Pay off my house and Mim's house, buy Kwiddens a house, set up trust funds for Em and Jorg and Nyah, buy everyone cars, start my own business (and one for Scott, too), etc. I'm sure I wouldn't be able to use up even a million of it before I ran out of ideas.


5) What helps to pull you out of a bad mood?
Scott can usually pull me out of a bad mood, but if not, there's always yarn. Unless I'm having a panicky sort of bad mood, in which case I take Klonopin, then use the yarn.


6) Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
How about both? It sucks to be at one end of only one of those. On one, you feel hopeless that the other person will ever love you, and on the other one you feel like you're being creepy-stalked.


7) What is your bedtime routine?
Take medicine and brush my teeth, change into pajamas, turn on my electric blanket and climb into bed with my lappie, surf the internet while Scott surfs the internet on his side of the bed on his lappie, or maybe read a bit of a book, then I start trying to fall asleep while Scott drinks his chocolate milk and eats his crackers.


8) If you are currently in a relationship, how did you meet your partner?
Hot Or Not. No joke. We were both on there just for funsies and we said hi and started talking online here and there (this was my sophomore year of college) and then we started talking like every day in November of my Junior year, and then he came out to Utah for a funeral (he had been living in Colorado) and while he was there we met and had a great time together, so when he got back to Colorado he packed up and moved back here (he was originally from Bountiful) and that was that.


9) If you could watch a creative person in the act of the creative process, who would it be?
I don't like watching people come up with things. It takes time. It's like watching paint dry. I'd rather see the end result.


10) What kinds of books do you read?
Knitting books, my favorites over and over (Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, The Chronicles of Narnia, Leven Thumps, I know I'm one of those dorks), and sometimes I make it to the library and check out a classic, like something by Jane Austen. I used to read a lot more, but I find that I enjoy knitting more lately.


11) How would you see yourself in ten years' time?
Probably roughly where I am now, but older and richer.


12) What's your fear?
SPIDERS. I hate them. They're gross and creepy and scary. I'm also afraid of losing people, and losing my sanity.

13) Would you give up all junk food for the rest of your life for the opportunity to visit outer space?
Space isn't cool; all that's out there (within reach) is space junk. BORING. I love ice cream too much.

14) Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
Married and poor wasn't too bad.


15) What's the first thing you do when you wake up?
Hit snooze. And again. And again. Then I let Buster outside.


16) If you could change one thing about your spouse/partner, what would it be?
I wish he recognized his brilliance and potential. He's down on himself a lot of the time and I wish he had the same amount of faith in himself that I have in him: a TON.

17) If you could pick a new name for yourself, what would it be?
Don't wanna.


18) Have you ever been betrayed by a family member? What did you do to get through it and go on with life? What made it better? Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing that special someone has done?
Well, I've touched on this in the past. I have been betrayed. I'm still in the middle of it with someone. Getting through it involves getting together with people that understand the need to trash talk and trash talking the crap out of this person. I don't really mean it (well...most of it) but it helps to rant. I can never forget, but in other cases I've been able to forgive. The thing is, I'm going to have a hard time forgiving if the person would never even admit he's done anything wrong, let alone apologize for it.

19) If you could only eat one thing for the next 6 months, what would it be?
My first instinct was ice cream, but then Magnolia said salad and it hit me: there are so many more varieties of salad! And I wouldn't feel like crap all the time! I had some salad at a great salad bar the other night with Kwiddens, and it always hits the spot.

Pictures To Catch Up

I hate Blogger with an unbridled passion. I hate centered text, but it won't let me use left alignment because it's a piece of...never mind...just got it to work...

First up is a picture of the lovely Em, who has changed her hair once again. It's a very very dark blue, so dark that you can't tell it's blue until you're right up on it. I love it.

Nyah is starting to eat solid foods! Here she is trying sweet potatoes for the first time. Only babies are adorable when they spit food out; anyone else gets dirty looks.

This is Mim's deck. This is only one of the snow storms she's had this winter. We haven't been so lucky; we get a bit, then it melts, then we get a bit more, and right now it's staying but who knows for how long?

Poor Kwiddens finally got her wisdom teeth taken out. This picture is not flattering at all, but she said I could put it on the internet so here you go. She was miserable not being able to eat regularly, and at one point she got dry socket and had to go in for extra care. She hated the clove oil they packed them with, but remembering back to when I had mine taken out, I loved it! It smelled so good and the pain was all but gone!

A long time ago I posted a picture of a pair of lacy gloves I had made, but I never posted about the scarf that matches them:

It's a wool/cashmere blend, so it's super soft and surprisingly warm.

Here is my Christmas tree skirt. I made it myself.

Here is my Christmas tree, all decked out with my handmade ornaments. I can't decide if I'm sick of them or not. Part of me wants to just get new, store-bought ornaments and make it look more put-together, and sell the old set. There's a lot there, and it's all handmade lace, so I might be able to get at least $100 for it. Maybe.

Reverb 10: Friendship

December 16 Friendship


How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?

I suppose Kwiddens is my friend as well as my sister, so let's talk about her!

Talking with Kwiddens, about anything, brings clarity into the mix. She's very good at talking things through and she always has a nice, fresh perspective. So, as I've talked to her, gradually, I've been a bit better about forgiving people and trying to put myself in others' shoes.

I'm always evolving and changing the way I see the world (and the way I interact with it), and it's because of the people I hang with. Scott, Mim, Kwiddens, Em, and Jorg all help me to be a better person, and I'm very lucky to have that.

I feel like I'm losing steam here. Maybe these questions just aren't as good, or maybe I'm just too tired to think of anything clever to say. Oh well. I'm still enjoying myself and learning new things about myself, so it's a good thing.

Reverb 10: 5 Minutes

December 15 5 Minutes

Imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. Set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.

Well, first of all, I'm ditching the time constraint. I checked to see what the prompt was for yesterday and I've been thinking about it for about a day, and I'm not going to take only five minutes to write. So there.

I want to remember:

• The times I was shown extra appreciation at work. This past year, with our new instruments, our lab has exponentially increased the number of chemical tests we do. It's amazing. We're working hard to keep that going and pull more business in, so it's nice to receive a Thank You.
• The times I felt amazing at the gym. I'm going to go more this next year (I totally slacked off in December...but planning on picking it up again after Christmas) and I kinda want to try actually running. I actually ran track when I was in school, and I kinda sucked at it, but I do remember enjoying it so much that it didn't matter. We'll see if my knees can actually handle it...
• That one time Kwiddens had a baby. AMAZING. It's a life-changing experience, and I got to go through it without the pesky pain.
• Holding said baby in the few days after she was born. SO SNUGGLY.
• The feelings of satisfaction every time Scott and I finished a project on the house.
• My visit with Li. We did a ton of fun things and I always love when she stays with us.
• Sunday mornings. We always sleep in, and then when we wake up we get Buster up on our bed and play and snuggle with him and just lay in bed, all lazy and warm, and talk all about everything.
• Time with my family. Holidays, birthdays, just-hanging-out-days, etc. It's the best.

And that's probably not everything. If I tried I could probably think of more but I'm too lazy right now.

Reverb 10: Wonder

December 4 Wonder


How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?

I don't know if I cultivated it, per se, but I can tell you about a moment I experienced some pretty awesome wonder. Is that cheating? Maybe. That's too bad.

I watched poor Kwiddens go through nine ridiculous months of pregnancy. I listened to her when she complained about her ankles, or her vision getting blurry, or her belly being so huge she couldn't reach to shave her legs in the shower, or any one of a myriad of other pregnancy-related woes.

I had never personally been at the hospital with someone who was having a baby. Whenever Mim was having a baby someone came over to babysit us, and we just waited at home until Mim and New Baby came home from the hospital. Kwiddens was the first in our family to get babied, so it was a whole new experience being at the hospital with her. She was stoned out of her mind, mind you, but I was so impressed and proud of her. I mean, seriously, I don't think I would be able to push a giant baby out of a tiny little place...sorry to be crude. It's just one more reason for me NOT to get pregnant.

Anyway.

When she was done and the baby was out and clean (thankfully!) I was blown away by how beautiful she was. I mean it: she came out perfect. And it got me thinking: frankly, the odds of someone getting pregnant are astronomically bad. Think about it. The woman has to be at the exact right time in the cycle. The man has to have...stuff...that's mature enough to be effective. Then, you know, the dirty stuff happens, and then the two have to get together very soon or else nothing will happen. Then, thousands of little guys have to fight over one little egg, if they can even find it, and then maybe, just maybe, it works. THEN, it has to successfully implant, and that doesn't always work. The odds are ridiculous. The fact that a baby gets made is an absolute miracle, statistically, and then the fact that the baby, this beautiful, amazing baby, arrived safe and in perfect health, well, the word is WOW.

I held her and she just snuggled right into my shoulder, and I felt...amazing.

And THAT, my friends, is a moment of wonder.

Text Time 11

Kwiddens: I'm at Wal-Mart and there's a line for the blood pressure machine
Me: Lol random

Kwiddens: You should call my work and tell them there's a family emergency
Me: Ok what kind of an emergency do you want?
Kwiddens: Dad in a car accident or something.
*insert fake, frantic phone call here*
Me: Are you going to be able to come help? Wink, wink, nudge, nudge?
Kwiddens: Yes. THANK YOU
Me: Love you a million!
Kwiddens: Love you more!

Kwiddens: I hate when I have to force myself to stay awake until a decent bed time
Me: I know EXACTLY how you feel

Me: You should really see a doc...
Mim: Been hoping to see a plastic surgeon...romantically. For Valentine's an eyelid lift, for my BDay a tummy tuck...!

Bob: A chemist and a mathemagician/philosopher. This ought to be good. Do you have a large white board yet? I expect a formula that balances out all of life's problems! It should include moles, k, pi, constants, infinitives, reason and purpose. Ready, set, go.

Honestly, There Were More Marshmallows Than Fruit

I didn't have an opportunity to do a Thanksgiving post...oh, who am I kidding, I had many MANY opportunities, but almost my entire weekend was spent curled up on the couch with my favorite fuzzy purple blankie working on the blanket for Mim. I finished it ages ago, and it was too small, so I had asked Mim to expand the pattern for me, but she's so freaking busy that it didn't get done until I showed her what I had so far and she suggested I make it again and connect the two...but I'm going for broke and making four, and to make it fun I'm rotating what colors go where for each one. I made a spreadsheet. I love spreadsheets. We should get a room.

Anyway.

Lazy me.

At least my lazy times are still productive. I get blankets and socks and such out of it, so it's not a total waste of time.

So Thanksgiving. Usually Scott and I stay overnight a day or two at Mim's house, but Scott has allergies so in order to do that he has to be so totally stoned on all sorts of meds that it's not as fun. This year we decided to just head down to Mim's Thanksgiving morning and spend all day there. The holiday was spent cooking, eating, playing games, watching movies (do you know how adorable "Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs" is??), and just enjoying each other's company. No pressure, no schedules.

We ended up going to the store twice that morning because we kept forgetting things. One of them was butter, and there is just no way to do Thanksgiving without butter. Fortunately, I didn't have to make that trip...people in stores on holidays are generally freaking nuts.

We had our usual: turkey, cranberry sauce, marshmallow fruit salad, pie, more pie, mashed potatoes, butter corn, more marshmallow fruit salad...yum. Nothing weird. Everything was perfect. I do have a confession, though: I didn't eat any turkey. I wanted to have room for other, more important things, such as second portions of marshmallow fruit salad.

So that was about it. It was relaxing and awesome. I got to play with the baby and hug my brother and sisters. What more could I want?

So now for the cliche: a list of what I'm thankful for this year.

• Family. Duh.
• Especially Scott. Another duh.
• The miracle of modern medicine, which enables me to experience emotions I never could before, while keeping the totally crappy emotions in check.
• Egg nog. You knew it was coming.
• My fabulous job. I make more than I need doing something I love. How many people can honestly say that?
• My new kitchen, paid for with the money I make at my awesome job.
• The ability to not eat french fries for more than six months this past year. I think I should go back to not eating them...
• And on that note, I've been able to keep most of the weight I lost off. I am, however, mad at myself for gaining any of it back at all, but I'm continually working on making better food choices. Except when I'm not.
• Being completely totally done with my Christmas shopping so I didn't even have to leave my house on Black Freaking Friday, the day when nice, normal people turn into demons.

Life is good, you know?

Painting...A Few Weeks Ago

I am SO REMISS in posting about the house. It's been weeks since we painted...so here. I blame Daylight Savings Time.

When I was at Home Depot picking out paint colors, I narrowed it down to a few different combinations and brought the samples over to the cabinet section to hold them up against my cabinets. This was the best combo I found:

I LOVED it! The only problem was, I wanted to use the darkest color on one wall as an accent, the middle color everywhere else, and the lightest color for the trim, but I didn't know if the dark color was going to be too dark and make my huge front room look small. Fortunately, Home Depot has little baby sample paint jars, so I took them home and painted a few coats on my wall:

And then...I stared at them. For two days. It just seemed so...dark. I was looking for input from everyone I knew. Half of my friends and family said the darker color was too dark, and the other half said it would be fine (and dramatic) because it was such a large, well-lit room.

So I went online and read up as much as I could on multiple-color paint schemes, and on the Behr website you can plug in your colors to a sample room and see how they look, so I did:

And it looked fabulous there. But I was still worried about it. So when I went in to get my paint mixed, I asked if there were any way I could get the same colors but slightly lighter, and apparently they are magic and can mix colors at 50% or 75% saturation. I decided to go with 50%, because the employee said that if it wasn't dark enough I could bring the paint back and she would add in more color.

So we spent two days putting primer on the walls: two coats. The paint that was on the walls was very old, and we had to cover up all the new drywall, too, to ensure good adhesion with the new paint.

Here's Scott, with his primer war-paint on:

So cute.

Anyway, so after we got the primer on, Kwiddens, Scott and I started painting with the lighter color, and...it just looked...too pale. So, I took all the paint back to Home Depot and had them add more color, and when I got back and started painting it was PERFECT. So, we continued to paint, and got only one coat done each day because that room is HUGE and very tall, so Scott had to get onto the very top of our ladder to paint near the ceiling, and the whole thing made me very nervous because he wasn't holding on to anything at all.

Anyway, we got all the walls that would be behind cabinets and the half-wall done, and the color is beautiful, but my camera sucks so I couldn't really get any more good pictures (ok, I didn't try very hard...) but when I get the pictures of the cabinets up you will see how awesome it looks!

I still have the rest of the kitchen and living room to paint, but that can wait. I just need to make sure I get it done before we decided to put flooring in.

So SAD, But My Cabinets Are Gorgeous

There are just a few completely unrelated things bouncing around in my head today that I'd like to share.

Let me tell you something about me: daylight savings time totally effs me up. As soon as we made the time change and it was suddenly dark outside at freaking SIX...my body went OH NO NO SUNLIGHT LET'S CRY FOREVER. Seriously. I've got a few personal things on my mind that are just weighing on me terribly, and when I went to the gym and instead of feeling skinny and empowered and beautiful like I usually do, I went home and when I took my clothes off to take a shower and I saw myself in the mirror and I just...lost it.

I feel like I've been busting my ass trying to lose weight and it just doesn't happen. I know I could definitely do better. I could go to the gym more often (although I've been doing three times a week or more consistently) (because I'm a total ROCK STAR). And I know I could be eating better. Confession: I've been eating french fries lately. I don't think this is a problem in and of itself, because I'm not eating them often at all. But, all things considered, I could be doing better to eat healthier. So even though I'm a lot better off that I was a few years ago, I still feel like a total failure. After doing the hCG diet and losing so much weight so quickly, it is KILLING me to lose one pound a week (or some weeks not lose any) (ok, most weeks not lose any). I want a quick fix. I want to wake up one day and just magically be a size 8. Or a 10. Whatever. I just want to feel better about myself than I do now, and I feel like that's always going to be connected to the number on the scale. I'm just...stuck.

I'm sure I'll feel better later, but for now that's what's going on in my nutty head.

So anyway, back to yesterday after my shower. I got dressed and called Mim with only the intent of complaining about the size of my derriere, but what really happened was everything that I had been putting to the back of my mind for the last few weeks just came flooding out and before I knew it I was bawling and just freaking out about everything at once and my poor mother, who is a saint, talked me down. We talked about some really important stuff and I just have to say that she's the best friend a girl could ever have. She lets me say whatever I need to and she never gets offended or judgemental or anything like that, just like I can talk to Kwiddens and have her be totally awesome. I have some really awesome people in my life, I really do.

So, here's the plan:
Keep exercising.
Keep taking happy pills.
Bust out my SAD light. It's this amazing nifty light that mimics sunlight, and you shine it on yourself in the morning for a little while every day and it helps with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) (it's awesome that it's called that, because oh look, it makes you sad).

Blargh. I hate being crazy. Moving on.

Scott has been working very very hard, coding like no nerd has coded before, for a few months, building a new system at work. He recently finished it, and everyone in the entire company, and all the customers, and all the members of the board have had nothing but praise for the system, and I am SO proud of him. He works so hard, and I'm so glad he's getting some recognition for that. He's smart AND handy! Also, he gets more PTO than I do and he has to use it up by the end of the year, so he has every Friday for the rest of the year off, plus extra days around Christmas and Thanksgiving. Jerk (he totally deserves it though).

Last weekend we installed our new cabinets, and they look AMAZING! Amazing as in, I walk up the stairs and go WHOA IS THAT REALLY MY KITCHEN?? I've been intending to post about it, on here and on Facebook, but the SAD has got me feeling unmotivated to do ANYTHING except work on Mim's blanket. And watch Battlestar Galactica. Again. Really, the idea of sitting down and blogging has seemed totally boring to me (yet, here I am...blogging). So I will post about it, I promise, I just don't know when.

The countertop dude is coming over tomorrow while Scott is at home (not at work...jerk) to take measurements, and then the following Friday we'll have countertops installed and we will have a FULLY FUNCTIONAL KITCHEN. Like, appliances plugged in and water turned on and everything. You have no idea how excited I am about this.

I think once the countertops are in I'm going to go through all my dishes and such and decide what to keep and what to donate and organize everything exactly where I want it, and put the silverware in the SILVERWARE DRAWER...I don't know if I've ever mentioned it, but we didn't have a freaking silverware drawer before but now we do and it's the most awesomely epic thing EVER.

Then I plan on busting out the crock pot and learning to cook a bit. I'll actually have space to do it!

Now look. It's 7:30 and I'm so sleepy...stupid Daylight Savings Time. I wonder how long it's going to take me to adjust this time...and then I'll get to do it again in the spring. Oh, joy.

International Kwiddens Day

Dear Kwiddens,

It's your birthday! You're 22! I can't believe it! Well, I can, but it's still cool!

I hereby designate today "International Kwiddens Day". Everyone can celebrate your existence!

Kwiddens, you are very special to me (not the "stop eating paste" special) and I am lucky to have you in my life.

Remember that time when you threw a dead spider at me, but I didn't know it was dead and I freaked out and punched you and we both got in trouble?

Remember when we drove to school and there was a really old, leathery looking woman in a parka, and we couldn't stop laughing all the way to school because we thought she was an Eskimo?

Remember when the missionaries came over for dinner and you burst out laughing in the middle of dinner and it made me start laughing and we couldn't stop so we got sent to our room?

Remember when we used to run around the backyard with a jump rope, pretending you were a horse and I was a cowgirl, because a jump rope was all we had?

Remember when we used to ride our bikes to Falls Park every day and have a picnic for lunch and climb around on the rocks and pretend we were mountain goats?

I have so many awesome memories with you, and we keep making more.

You are beautiful, inside and out. You are smart, kind, witty, generous, and a wonderful mother with a beautiful baby (and how could she not be beautiful, since she's made of you?).

You understand what's going on in my head and I'm never embarrassed to tell you whatever is on my mind. You're full of good advice and free with your hugs, and you're one of my closest confidantes.

You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be treated like a queen. You deserve ice cream, because I said so.

I'll see you tomorrow when the whole family meets for your birthday dinner. We'll eat rolls and honey butter and the calories won't matter because we're celebrating your life (plus I'll go to the gym for a few hours to work it off...).

Keep getting older. It's kinda fun. Plus we all like having you around.

Love you Kwiddens!

-Your Sister, Nanners

Chocolates, hCG, and Fog Machines, Oh My!

My favorite kind of chocolates are Queen Anne cherry cordials. Every year for Christmas someone in my family gets me a box, with the "e" scribbled out and replaced with an "a", which makes me the queen. I eat all of them in one day and it's delicious and amazing, but after I eat a whole box of them I'm sick of them and I don't want any more until next year.

I hate when people argue on Facebook. I got caught in the middle of an argument yesterday and it was mostly my fault...oops. This one involved someone ragging on the hCG diet, saying it doesn't work in the long run and it'll just make you unhealthy, etc. Well, let me tell you, I've kept 30 pounds off, my blood pressure and cholesterol went down, and now I can keep up with Scott while we're walking through a store. I can see how the weight would come back if you didn't change your eating and exercise habits, but I did and it's amazing. The end.

I ordered an industrial strength fog machine from Best Buy, and I chose (and paid for) the faster shipping. the website said it would be here by...YESTERDAY. They were supposed to send me an e-mail and charge my credit card when they shipped it, and I got neither an e-mail nor a charge. So last night I called customer service and tried to find out what was going on. I feel sorry for customer service people, because all they do all day is handle people's problems, and most of them aren't as polite as I am. Anyway. Even though it said nothing about it on the webpage, this item was special order through Best Buy from another company. The other company hadn't told Best Buy if they'd gotten the order or anything, so they were still in the dark. I'm mad. If, on the website, it says I will get my item by a specific day if I pay this much for shipping, I better get it then. As it stands, we may not get it at all before Halloween, which would totally suck.

THIS JUST IN:

I'm talking to Scott on messenger right now and he said Jon just told him a large package just arrived from Best Buy. I forgive them.

Work has been really slow lately. There are way fewer samples coming in from outside labs, so it's just our own every day, and it's not enough. I find myself killing time so I can get enough hours.

Me: Afternoon is the worst part of the day for me because everything is all done except I just have to wait for the machines to finish. And wait. And wait.
Kwiddens: Oh darn, you get paid to sit.
Me: I know, but I don't like waiting.
Kwiddens: Silly.

HOLY HELL I just got hit by a craving for Chinese food. I've had really intense cravings lately, and I don't know why.

The women at my new crochet group all do a different kind of crochet called Tunisian. It's almost a hybrid of knitting and crochet. I'm going to attempt to teach myself before we meet tonight.

Thoughts on Pride And Prejudice

So while I was watching Pride And Prejudice (BBC version) with Li during my vacation, I just kept noticing things more and more that are just so very radically different than how things are today. It's so interesting how time can alter customs and etiquette so much.

1. I love how they're supposedly "poor", but they have a maid (and/or a cook; I don't know if Hill functions as both). I know compared to other Gentlemen Mr. Bennet has little money, but obviously there are a lot of people WAY worse off than they are. I remember when my family was poor, and that meant no food sometimes. BIG difference.

2. I know that Mrs. Bennet is very obviously lacking in social graces, but even the very worst sorts of people don't talk about someone else's salary, especially loudly, in the middle of a party, while making it seem as if she wants her daughters to marry for money. Oh wait, she does. The only people who know how much money I make are me, Scott, Mim, Kwiddens, and my boss. Oh, and the woman who does payroll.

3. Etiquette played a much larger part in society then, so how is it all right for the rich to snub the poor (if they can be called "poor") when nowadays people would think you a tremendous ass for doing the same? So and so lives in Cheapside! Who cares?

4. When Mr. Darcy proposes to Elizabeth and she cites his previous "bad behavior", wouldn't it have been simpler for Mr. Darcy to, right then and there, say "Oh, Miss Bennet, you are quite mistaken! Here is the real story..." But then I suppose there wouldn't be occasion for the lovely letter he then writes to her, or for the rest of the novel. I think this sort of thing often, and I have to remind myself that if things went the way that seems logical to me, the movie/book/show/whatever would be far less interesting and quite a bit shorter.

5. Mr. Wickham "must have something to live on". Um, whatever happened to getting a job? If you need more money, go find work. A lot of people back then seemed to think they were entitled to a living without any effort on their part.

6. A seeming contradiction: the five Miss Bennets are not allowed to own property, so Longbourne estate is entailed upon Mr. Collins, but Miss Darcy has a fortune of 30,000 pounds (or something like that). So how is owning property and owning a large sum of money any different? I'm not really a  feminist, but that just doesn't seem to make sense.

7. Pedophilia! Colonel Forster must be something like 40 years old, and his new bride is 14ish. Gross. Think of the difference in maturity, especially considering Mrs. Forster's closest friend is Lydia, who is only 15 and more than a little silly for her age! Also, what happens when her husband dies eventually and she still has years and years left to live? Apparently, she's not allowed to own property, so how will she live?

8. Mary Bennet and Mr. Collins would be a perfect couple, don't you think (once you got past the cousins marrying thing...)? Mr. Collins, however, seems to feel like he deserves someone more beautiful because, oh look, he's a pompous jerk.

9. Mrs. Bennet is the most obnoxious human being every to grace the earth, either in fiction or real life. When things aren't going her way, her poor nerves! And when things are going her way, will she please just shut up already?! No wonder most of her progeny are ridiculous.

10. I'm in love with Colin Firth. Also, the guy who plays Mr. Bingley, although quite amiable, is not attractive at all. He has bug eyes.

The end.

I think I read into things too much. I do, however, and always will, enjoy watching this movie.

It's About Time...

...For more Nyah pictures!

I haven't seen her in a while...I'm thinking it's about time for a trip down to Kwiddens's house!

Text Time 10

Me: I just said "3/4 of our parents suck!" and Scott said "But the other 1/4 makes up for it!"
Mim: Thank you! I love you guys.

Me: Hungry! Making some dinners.
Kwiddens: Grood. What are you making?
Me: Garlic chicken. Premade, frozen...so I can't screw it up!
Kwiddens: Haha
Me: I am truly rotten at cooking. I made muffins the other day and they ended up gross. Scott liked them though...weirdie.
Kwiddens: What did you do?? And how were they wrong?
Me: I don't know what I did. They just tasted kinda odd. Not muffiny but more bready.
Kwiddens: Haha you messed up boxed macaroni once too didn't you?
Me: Shhhhhhhhh.

Me: Okie. I feel like a jerk but I messed up dinner so I'm feeling like I want to cry...it's so stupid...
Kwiddens: How did you mess up dinner? I think sometime you and I should cook together.
Me: Gravy didn't thicken. Gravy soup!
Kwiddens: What did you use to thicken?
Me: It was a mix...
Me: I just...suck at cooking. You'd think I would be great at it, since chemistry is basically following recipes!

Kwiddens: I need to learn how to apparate.

Me: YEAH!

Kwiddens: Mim and I decided we would do it with hulahoops and wands and sparkles.

Kwiddens: Right now I'm eating Oreos and throwing the cream away

Me: I need to be there!

Kwiddens: We need to have a tube that goes from wherever I am to wherever you are and we can pass notes or pills or ice creams or whatever.

She's A Good Bebby

It's been a while since we had some good bebby pictures!

Nyah is ahead of her age in nearly everything. Her motor skills and strength are incredible! If you prop her up she's able to keep herself sitting up:

She can stand for a long time, too, as long as you're holding her hands. She doesn't have the balance down yet.

Playing with toys:

Sitting with Daddy:

She's so cute in her little jeans!

And holding herself up during tummy time:

This little girl has me totally charmed!

Plus she's starting to get giant baby fat rolls on her legs. It's so cute I might just pass out.

Thanks, Kwiddens, for always sending me cute pictures!

Vacationy Things

So these past few weeks have been quite busy! On Wednesday the 8th I picked Li up at the airport. I left for work the next morning and didn't see her before I left. She and Scott hung out all day on Thursday (Scott was able to get more days off than I did) and when I got home we talked and made dinner and watched videos on YouTube. It was just really relaxing and fun. Friday she was picked up by a friend, and she spent the next several days with friends in Provo, and then with her sister in Plymouth.

The following Friday, the 17th, I had taken the day off work so I got up in the morning, went to the gym (and got a great workout in!) and then went to pick Li up in Plymouth. Scott suggested we go to Maddox for lunch, so he came along with me. Lunch was SO TASTY. We almost never go there, since it's such a long drive, but it was on the way home from Li's sister's house. I had forgotten how good their rolls were! I ate WAY too much, but we only go there every couple of years so it's totally ok, right?

When we all got home from that Li and I hunkered down on the couch with munchies and watched movies for the rest of the night. Saturday morning I brought Li along with me to the gym, then we showered and headed down to Salt Lake for the State Fair. We went first thing in the morning, so there weren't too many people, and we didn't have to wait in line for anything until we were about to leave. It was pretty hot, but there were shady spots where we could sit down so it wasn't too bad. We had put on sunscreen, but both of us forgot our chests, so now I have this weird sunburn with my purse strap across it.

I was really excited about fair food. A fair is like the one chance I get all year to eat cotton candy and funnel cake (although we didn't end up getting either of those; we settled on fresh mini-donuts with sugar, a slushie, gyros (the best I've ever had, I think), and fudge). We rode rides, too, which was very fun! I forgot how much fun it is to act like a kid. I also forgot how nauseating some of those rides were...my stomach could handle more than Li's, though, so when Li wanted a rest I would go ride one she didn't want to ride (she doesn't like up and down ones where she feels like she's falling). After we had been there about four hours I was definitely done. I was tired, hot, sick, and thirsty. We headed on home and got frozen custard from Nielsen's on the way, and when we got home it was JAMMIE TIME! and we sacked out on the couch for the rest of the night, watching more movies and some Bones.

Sunday morning Li wanted to go to church, and I didn't want her to have to go alone, so I went along. We went to the building that's only a few blocks from us. Since I'm a heathen, I had no idea what time church was supposed to start, but everywhere I've lived there has been a meeting at 9:00, so I figured that was a safe assumption. Well, there was a meeting at 9:00, but it was a Tongan ward...oops. We figured we were already there, so we stayed. The service was half in English, half in Tongan, which, it turns out, is a very pretty, melodic sort of language. There was a translator, so we weren't totally in the dark, but it felt a little awkward all the same.

We came home, changed back into pajamas, and set up a LAN. For the rest of the day the three of us played Warcraft 3 (nerdy!), since it's sort of a tradition that we play every time Li visits.

Monday we slept in, then watched more Bones while we waited for it to be time for our SPA APPOINTMENTS, OH YES. We went to a spa I had never been to before, but will definitely visit again, because for only $65 we got our hands, feet, backs, arms, and faces massaged and exfoliated and steamed...we were soft like buttah. We smelled good, too! After that we went to Zupas for lunch, where we had the most awesome salads and sandwiches, and we even split a brownie, but it wasn't as tasty as it looked. When we got home we decided that we should watch Pride And Prejudice (the BBC version), so we started that, and we were only half watching it while we talked about boys and such. Around 7:00 the three of us decided we were hungry, so we went to Olive Garden for dinner, and then when we got home we finished our movie and then went to bed.

Tuesday morning I drove Li to the airport, after which I went to Nyah's three-month doctor appointment with Kwiddens and Isaac. Poor Nyah had to get shots, and she was NOT happy about it. We all went to lunch, and then at that point I was really starting to feel sick, so I headed home and napped.

So that was my mini-vacation with Li. It was really fun, and so nice to see her, and now the next time I see her will probably be next summer, when I'll fly out to Boston for a change.

Other, semi-related or un-related things:

Taking three days off work is apparently a really really bad idea, since I came back to utter chaos and a giant pile of samples. I'm not even close to caught up. It doesn't help that we had people cleaning in the lab today, so we didn't have use of the hood until around noon (usually I start working in there around 9:00...so you can see how far behind I was). I'm sure I'll get a lot more done tomorrow, and I'll probably be completely caught up.

I've been slowly getting sick over the past week or so. Whatever it was, it hit Scott and Jon much harder than it hit me, thank goodness. I think it's just a mild flu, but I really lucked out, since all I have is a very sore throat, a stuffy/runny nose, and body aches. I can deal with that and still go to work.

Buster desperately needs a bath, but I'm too lazy, so I'm thinking about just spending the $35 to have it professionally done.

I found a really good deal on a heart rate monitor watch. It has a calorie counter thing in it, too. I'm really excited to try it out, but I'm going to have to wait until I don't feel like I got hit by a bus to go back to the gym.

I finally got a new purse last week while Li and I were shopping. It's from New York and Company, and it was on clearance for only $10. I win. It looks like a slightly more fashionable Indiana Jones bag. It smells lovely. I love the smell of new leather.

I think now is a good time to go collapse into a hot bath, then drag myself to bed early. I hope I can beat this bug, and soon. I want my voice back.

Text Time 9

This Text Time is brought to you by Kwiddens's mother-in-law, whom we...ahem...dislike.

Kwiddens: Isaac's mom pronounces Hercule Poirot "Haircool parrot".

Kwiddens: Oh wait. "Haircool purroh".

Kwiddens: I am going to kill Isaac's mom.

Me: How?
Kwiddens: Any ideas?
Me: There are lots of guns there.
Kwiddens: Too messy.
Me: Rat poison?
Kwiddens: Is that easily traceable?
Me: Probably.

Kwiddens: How many birthday cakes does it take to satisfy a bitchy mother-in-law?

Me: How many?
Kwiddens: I'll let you know when I find out.

Kwiddens: When I go to jail for killing her will you visit me?

Me: Absolutely. I'll bring cake...whom do you want to kill?
Kwiddens: Isaac's mom :)
Me: I should have known.

Kwiddens: Did hell just freeze over?

Me: ???
Kwiddens: Isaac's mom took out the trash
Me: I love you.

Monday Musings

Last night at about 2:00 a.m. Scott and I were woken up by people yelling outside our window. Scott got up and looked, and it looked like it was just two people yelling, but not physically fighting or anything, so he just got back in bed and ignored it. BUT, after a minute or so, the woman started screaming bloody murder "Help! Help! Get away from me! Help! Let go of me! Help! Help!"...basically what I would be yelling if I were being attacked, so Scott got up, grabbed his gun just in case (concealed, of course), and went outside to see if he could get a better look and make sure nobody got murdered right in front of our house. Meanwhile, I called the police.

They sent a few officers our way while I described what was happening to the emergency operator. While the police were on their way, Scott went out toward the fighting couple as soon as it was apparent that there wasn't any physical violence. They talked a bit, and the man seemed upset and was pacing around, but nobody was yelling any more. I just stayed inside the house, watching what was going on, but unable to hear anything at all.

Two cruisers showed up and one cop went to talk to Scott, while the other went to question the two people who had been yelling. A third person appeared seemingly out of nowhere (he had been inside a car parked on the street) and soon enough Scott headed back inside and told me the whole story.

It turns out the two of them were insanely drunk, and had come from a party down the street. They were bickering, and the woman was overreacting to the man following her. She had left the party, claiming she was just going to walk home (but she lived in Ogden, around 15 miles away) and the man had followed her to try to get her to come back so their designated driver (the guy in the parked car) could take her home. So, really it wasn't a big deal. We did find out that the guy had fallen pretty badly at the party and had a few broken ribs, so the police let them go and take him to the hospital.

We seem to attract trouble. I suppose that's what we get for being the unofficial neighborhood watch.

The gym I go to is closed on Sunday, much like many businesses here in Utah. Saturday I got in a really good workout (I'm still sore), and then spent the rest of the day with Kwiddens. Sunday morning I woke up and the whole day I just felt...blah. I really missed working out! It's only been two weeks, but every day I wake up and don't even have to debate with myself whether I'll go to the gym or not; it's always a yes. It's only a matter of when I can fit it into my day.

I am really loving my X-Biking classes, so I invested in a gel seat cover, which will hopefully make it easier on my derriere. I also bought some new shoes, since the shoes I have been wearing are really old and slightly too big. I wanted to pick up a heart rate monitor watch, but they cost more than I'm willing to spend right now.

We went to a new Chinese restaurant that opened recently a few blocks away from our house. I wasn't impressed. The worst part, however, was the CHRISTMAS MUSIC. It's SEPTEMBER. Also, Wal-Mart was putting up Thanksgiving stuff even before the Halloween stuff.

We bought more tombstones for our Halloween graveyard and materials to make a creepy rickety fence to go around it. We went to a seasonal Halloween store in the mall to check to see if they had anything that would add to the effects, but we were very disappointed to find almost the entire store dedicated to costumes, and just a tiny corner had decorations, which were all overpriced or cheap-looking (or both) anyway.

Halloween this year is on a Sunday, and for Utah that means that everyone will go trick-or-treating on Saturday. This would be fine with me if everyone in the community who wanted to participate were Mormon, or some other religion that prevents things like that on Sundays, but that isn't the case. So I'm not sure if I'm going to have to do Halloween on Saturday and Sunday, for the Mormons and non-Mormons, respectively.

Saturday when Kwiddens came over we tried to dye my hair back to my natural color. I'm tired of the pink streaks. We picked out a color that matched my own, applied it according to the directions...and it didn't work. The blonde bits are still blonde...you would think they would pick up the color just fine and become brown but NOOOO, that would be too easy. So I think after work today I'm going to head over to the beauty school and have a new color put on, just one color all over. Maybe I'll go a little bit darker for fall. We'll see.

That's about it. It's a Monday. The end.

What The Hell?!

My dad and I don't speak to each other. Occasionally I feel sad about this, because I think he used to love me, back when he adopted me, but now I think he feels the same way about me that I finally feel about him: I nothing him.

When I say I nothing him, it's like saying I hate him or I care about him or I (insert verb indicating feelings here) him. Except, I feel nothing toward him most of the time, so I nothing him.

Sometimes, though, I get angry and want to go punch his face in, because if I ever tried to tell him how I feel he would get angry and defensive and call me terrible names and such or he would just walk away, ignoring me completely. Really mature, right? Either way, he wouldn't even care to hear about it. But it's pretty hard to ignore a strong punch in the face.

My memories of my dad consist of three things:

5% Warm and fuzzy memories of when he actually listened to me or said something nice to or about me,

60% Not being home, out doing other things with other people, ignoring his family's emotional (and sometimes physical) needs,

35% Being home and yelling at or criticising me (or all of us) about something stupid that either isn't even true or is something no person in his right mind would get angry about (one time I got in huge trouble for getting ice out of the freezer without asking...not even kidding).

When I took the ACT and got a 34 (out of 36) he basically told me I was stupid and I should have done better. And for a while there, I did think I was stupid because I thought he was so smart and he knew so much about the world and the way things should be. Apparently, I was incredible naive. I pushed myself to my limits in school and got all sorts of awards along with my perfect grades and the mountains of extracurricular activities I put on my transcript, and he never acknowledged that I was doing well (Mim, however, was always very proud of me and supported me in everything I tried to do. Even gymnastics, which was a total failure, but she was proud of me for trying).

One of our running family jokes was that if something would make him mad, we would all get the silent treatment for exactly 3.5 days, to the hour. I'm not even kidding. It was so perfectly consistent that we actually found it funny. The exception was the summer before I left for college, when he refused to talk to Mim for three months, resulting in her breaking down and ending up in the psych ward for a week. He, of course, denies he ever did that. Now I find it both funny and pathetic (not the Mim in the hospital part, the 3.5 days part).

Sadly, he was such a "good person" in my eyes that I wanted to be just like him, so I immersed myself in religion and science and wanted to be a doctor just like him. It took me years to figure out that he is a selfish, arrogant, holier-than-thou, racist (very very racist) person, and once I realized that I was able to let go of a lot of things I had been very angry and hurt about. I even feel sorry for him sometimes. But, once again, for the most part I nothing him.

All this aside, the reason I sometimes get so angry at him is this:

He cheated on Mim and nearly destroyed our family. Em was so torn up about it she tried to commit suicide and ended up in the psych ward for a week (I'm thinking there's a pattern to this). Jorg lost his faith in God, because he prayed and prayed and prayed and God never answered his prayers that our family might somehow be mended. I had to deal with a lot of this during my first year of marriage, which was hard enough in and of itself, with my being sick and our being broke and my not being able to find a job. Mim was so heartsick she couldn't eat anything for months and lost about 50 lbs.

He used Kwiddens. She knew about the other woman and he was nice to her for the first time ever and so Kwiddens felt obligated to stay out of it and not tell Mim about the affair. He would have Kwiddens tell Mim he was hanging out with her when he was actually with the other woman. I used to be angry at Kwiddens for this but now I understand how horrible the whole situation was and that staying out of it was probably for the better.

Everyone in my family went through hell and a half.

So about the other woman: her name is Cambria (total stripper name...) and she was (get this): his patient. Ethics apparently be damned. Even to this day, he lies to all of us and claims they are "just friends", even though we all know from outside sources that they are engaged. That just drives me crazy: that he thinks we will just fall for his stupid lies, and that he's not man enough to admit that he's done something wrong, even when we all caught him with his hands in the cookie jar.

Every time I think I am over this, something new comes up. Usually it involves the way he treats Em, Jorg, and Kwiddens, especially Kwiddens. For some reason he has always had it out for her, ever since the day he married Mim. I had it bad, but she had it way worse. He picked on her relentlessly and I don't know how she gets past that on a daily basis. I understand that Kwiddens's getting pregnant wasn't the best thing to happen, but things happen and we move on and make the best of it, yes? Our whole family is now in love with this beautiful little baby and we are so proud of Kwiddens for making such a beautiful little baby and being an amazing mother, and we are happy to have Isaac in the family. All of us except for Dad. Dad now refuses to even speak to Kwiddens and has no desire to see the baby, which I find totally heartbreaking, because there will come a time when Nyah will ask, "Why don't I have two grandpas?" (or three, depending on if you count our BioDad) and someone will have to say "Well, he doesn't love you" (or something) (how would you even answer that question??).

So, something else happened that brought it all back and I feel like I have to start all over again.

Yesterday I found out that he's getting married. Tomorrow. He didn't bother to tell me, Kwiddens, or Mim. We only found out because he invited Em and Jorg.

I don't resent Em and Jorg at all for this. I'm even proud of them that they're mature and kind enough to rise above it all and wish him happiness. But I can't help but think that maybe if I were actually his biological child maybe he would love me enough to invite me to his wedding.

It seems I'm not meant to have a father figure in my life. I'm usually fine with that. But sometimes I get so jealous of people who spend time with their fathers and look up to and respect them. I just can't respect him. I think I might even stop calling him Dad. It seems harsh I suppose, but apparently he doesn't think of me as his daughter any more, so from now on, he's just Jason.

What a prick.

Also, you would not believe how many awful words I used in my first draft of this post. Extensive editing brought it back down to a PG-13 level.

Labor Day Weekend

This past weekend was long because of Labor Day. Hooray for pointless holidays!

Scott had scheduled his (late) birthday LAN party, so Friday after work I stopped by the store and got treats, then came home and helped clean up the house a bit. It wasn't much of a job, since we usually keep things pretty tidy anyway. Our only consistent messes are on the coffee table and the kitchen table, and those didn't take long. He and his friends played from Friday night to Monday night. I don't know how he does it; my eyes get tired enough staring at a computer screen for a few hours.

I tried to arrange something fun with Kwiddens for Friday night but nobody could babysit Nyah and Nyah was sick of the car seat, since they just taken a road trip down to Arkansas to visit our grandparents. It was so sad; Nyah only had to look at her car seat to make her start crying. So I had Friday night to myself, and I just snuggled up on the couch and read "The Hobbit", one of my favorite books.

Saturday morning I got some exercise in, the came home and showered and did a little grocery shopping. Then at 3:00 some friends and I had planned a Lecture Prep reunion at Bicentennial Park in Provo. It was me, Kirk and Angie, Nate, Sarah and her boyfriend Nate and one other guy who worked there after I had already graduated whose name escapes me at the moment. We grilled and had the most amazing sweet corn and talked for 2.5 hours, sharing stories about work and remembering some of the funny things that had happened, and talking about how the Chemistry Department has changed, etc. It was just so nice to see everyone, but it made me miss working there more than ever. Oh well. I have a great job now, too.

Since I was in Provo anyway, I then drove down to Mim's house and met up with her and Em and Jorg and we all went to dinner at The Pizza Factory. After that we were talking about movies and shows we like, and Jorg suggested that some time we should get together and have a Stargate marathon, since he had never seen it. We decided to do it this weekend, since I had work off on Monday, so after dinner I drove Em and Jorg back up to my house. We watched Stargate and ate yummies and talked and it was really fun. They stayed over two nights, and Mim came to get them Monday morning. At one point Sunday night Jorg started to get sick of Stargate, so we played Phase 10 and then went to dinner at Applebee's, which ended up being a little disappointing foodwise, but the company was great. When we got back Jorg went downstairs and played Starcraft 2 with Scott and Jon. Em and I decided it was a good opportunity for chick flicking, so we watched "Moulin Rouge" and "27 Dresses". Jorg came upstairs to grab a drink and asked what Moulin Rouge was about, and I said "um...prostitutes..." and he gave me a funny look and went back downstairs. It was amusing.

Monday after Em and Jorg were gone Jon, Scott and I went and had lunch at MacCool's and then we tackled the downstairs storage room so we could clear it out because LI IS COMING TOMORROW! I'm super excited about that. We're going to have so much fun! We also went to the dollar store to get some candles and the Halloween stuff was out and there were more tombstones for our graveyard for only a dollar each (of course, it's the dollar store), so this year our graveyard will be much better. I love Halloween.

So that was my Labor Day weekend. And now I don't get another day off until Thanksgiving.

Except the few days I'll be taking off for when Li is here.