On The Edge Of A Cliff

A while ago, Halloween weekend, in fact, Scott, Jon, Jorg and I went shooting. We drove up Farmington canyon until the poor little Focus got stuck in the snow, and found a perfect spot to set up targets.

I don't think Jorg had ever been shooting before, so Scott gave him a lesson in gun safety and then we all shot some rounds from each gun we brought, using old bottles as targets.

I was stupid and didn't account for the fact that if you drive up the elevation increases and the temperature decreases...so I didn't have a coat, but just a sweater. I got cold and went to sit in the nice, warm car after a while, and soon Jorg joined me. Even though it was cold, it was still fun.

On the way back down when we were finished I got a decent shot of the view over the valley. Utah is generally a pretty place, even when it's brown.

And, of course, because driving down narrow, slippery switchbacks all the way down the mountain wasn't scary enough, the boys all got out of the car and stood on the edge of a cliff and gave me an aneurysm. What you can't see in the picture is the dead cars at the bottom of the cliff. Yep.

But, nobody died, so I really can't complain.

Luck?

For the most part I would not consider myself lucky. Everything I have has come from good decisions and smart planning at some point in my life.

I have a great husband because I took a long time to date and get to know him before I really committed. I dated many men of all types before meeting him so I would find out about myself: what I admired in a man, what wasn't really that important, and what I wanted a relationship to be like. I chose from the very beginning to not make the same mistakes my parents made (no offense, Mim) and to communicate about everything (and I mean everything, even if it's embarrassing) with Scott. I chose to focus on what's important and make sure I didn't have unrealistic expectations about what marriage would be like. I chose to do whatever it takes to make this marriage the best I've ever seen, no matter how difficult it got.

I have plenty of money because I went to college, got a challenging and (somewhat) useful degree so I could get a very good job, which I've kept because I chose to give it my all, and also because I worked so hard in high school so I could get a scholarship, and worked at least one job at all times through college so I have no debt. Scott and I decided to be careful and responsible with our money so we can afford to live the lifestyle we want, so we were able to buy one car half with cash, half on credit, and the other totally in cash. We have since paid off the first car, so the only debt we have at all is the mortgage. It helps that we decided not to have children, because let's face it: dogs are cheaper.

I have an amazing house and awesome renovation plans because Scott and I decided to take the leap into homeownership at the perfect time in relation to the housing market. We have such awesome plans and the means to put them into place because we are going to do most of the work ourselves, and because we got the tax credit for buying a house.

I have an amazingly smart and adorable and sweet dog that fits into our family perfectly because Scott and I wanted to rescue him, and he was just so freaking adorable that as soon as we saw him we knew he was ours.

I have a good relationship with (most of) my family because I chose to move on and give people a second chance. The only person I have no relationship with is the one person who doesn't even want a relationship with me, and I have finally realized that this is totally beyond my control. I can never forget about the crap I went through growing up and during the first few years I was married (the crap had nothing to do with Scott, but everything to do with my screwed up family), but I choose to ignore it, forgive, and focus on the future. One of the best decisions I ever made was to try to have a relationship with Mim again.

I have my sanity because I chose to take care of myself and see a psychiatrist. I also saw a therapist for a while to help me get past my past and my hang-ups. I have my sanity because I have finally recognized my limitations and learned about myself on such a deeper level. I now understand how my mind works and how I can deal with it to make my life as normal as possible. I choose to think of my condition as a challenge, not a handicap.

I have lost weight because I took charge of my life and my health and worked DAMN hard to get the weight off. hCG was hands down the hardest thing I have ever done, and it was also worth it for so many reasons. I lost so much weight and made a giant step toward breaking some very deeply ingrained food addictions. I learned portion control and how to make healthier lifestyle choices. And I look better, too. (FYI, I'm back on the diet to get the last 20 pounds off. I did so well maintaining my weight after the last round, and this time around the cravings aren't so intense. They're also different. Last time I was craving Krispy Kremes, and this time around I am craving salad.)

So I don't consider myself lucky, even though I have such an amazing life right now (knock on wood...). I have worked so hard physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually to get where I am today.

But last night I was so so SO lucky.

Because there was a drunk kid going down our street at about midnight slashing everyone's tires on every car that wasn't in a garage for no apparent reason.

And he skipped ours.

(The cops caught him, don't worry)

LUCKY.

Also, the weather seems to have gotten its act together.

Oh No You Didn't

Dear Weather,

I am writing to voice some concerns I have regarding your recent behavior. You have been rather inconsistent lately and I worry that you might have lost sight of who you are and what your goals should be.

We spent some time in your lovely sunshine a few days ago, and then we had a little bit of rain, which is understandable given that we are in April. I was so excited to wash my winter coat and hang it up until next winter, and the next thing I know it's a bit too cold for my jacket again. I also must tell you that I put away my mittens as well, and my hands have been a bit cold.

All of this, my dear Weather, pales in comparison to the tantrum you threw last night. I don't know why you were so upset, but was this
really necessary? That was eight or nine inches of naughty, all over the state. I'm very disappointed in you, as you were headed strongly in the right direction, the direction that would lead you to meet your goals, namely, getting warm and acting your age.

You are lucky that my wonderful husband shoveled this nasty stuff away from my car so I could back out of the driveway this morning.

Otherwise, I may have felt a little less charitable. I'm not sure yet how to punish you for this; I will inform you as soon as I make a good decision.

Regards,

Anna Walker

P.S. Don't freaking do it again. Don't even.

Ten Things

So I just have a few things to post today, with no apparent theme.

Scott is almost finished sanding, bondo-ing, and priming the 'Stang so soon he will be able to paint it. He doesn't think it's going fast enough, but I think we should take our time and get it done very well the first time. We're looking to sell this thing for quite a chunk of cash, so it needs to be as authentic and carefully done as possible.

I hate tailgaters. When someone is that close behind me, the evil part of me wants to just SLAM on my brakes and pretend there was a deer in the road or something, because more often than not the car behind me is much MUCH more expensive than mine. Ha. But then there's that whole whiplash thing...

Diet Mountain Dew isn't very good when it's flat and warm.

I really really want to know who the final Cylon is, but I promised Scott I wouldn't go online to find out before we finish watching the series. It's just about killing me.

One of my friends' husband is a structural engineer and was kind enough to come over the day before yesterday and take a look at our sub floor and support beams in the basement. It turns out that if we replace one beam with steel and add one more on the longer side of the basement, we might not have to replace the entire sub floor before we can put the wood down.

Mim called me yesterday and asked me a chemistry question (I love when she does that!). Someone had told her that aspartame decomposes to make formaldehyde in your stomach and poisons you so you shouldn't drink diet soda with aspartame in it. Number one, there is no known one step acid to aldehyde reduction. Number two, if you did want to make it into an aldehyde, you would have to eat some lithium aluminum hydride tetrabutyl oxide or else some palladium and quinoline, and if you had eaten these formaldehyde in your stomach would be the LAST thing you should worry about. So there's your chemistry lesson for today: aspartame will not turn into formaldehyde in your stomach. The end.

I have been walking on the treadmill on my lunch breaks at work and sometimes again when I get home. I just pop in some Scrubs or Stargate or Gilmore Girls or whatever and walk while I watch and it makes it go so much faster. I feel like I have more energy and I don't feel so bad about having a cookie for lunch yesterday.

I wish I were a size 8. Or a 6. Whatever.

Kwiddens asked me to knit her special socks to wear to the hospital when she goes into labor. They will be purple. Also, I am stalling weaving the ends into her baby's blanket by starting a new lace scarf.

I'm in love with my new phone, but I miss waking up to Hedwig's Theme as my alarm. I will have to download a new tone.

Did and Will Do?

Ok, so everyone and their mom is doing a New Year's post, so I might as well jump on in. Four days late. Oops.

So, here are some highlights of this past year:

1 Year at my job

Bought a 1968 Mustang

Had carpal tunnel surgery

Bought A HOUSE

Got 2 new instruments at work

Read all the Harry Potters (again)

Knitted my first sweater

Kwiddens got married

Had to go to court

Drank WAY too much egg nog

Learned to knit socks

Learned to knit mittens

Had our first yard sale

Pierced my ear

Vacationed in Vegas

Got a new baby pink laptop

Got a concealed carry permit and bought a gun of my very own

Buster got a tragic haircut

Had Li over for a week

And here are some things I hope to accomplish or experience this coming year (these are not resolutions, mind you, just some ideas):

Get the rest of the way down to my ideal weight

Wear makeup to work more often (try to look like a girl for once)

Renovate the kitchen

Continue to build my movie/music/TV show collection (I'm thinking about buying Dexter...)

Put more money in savings

Pay off our car

Get a new cell phone

Spoil my new little (NIECE OR NEPHEW) that's coming out of Kwiddens in June (I know the sex but it's a secret for now) (I already started the baby blanket and it is going to be GORGEOUS and expensive...silk bamboo fiber, oh yes)

Keep knitting and crocheting and everything else I love to do

Build up my hand-knit sock arsenal

Get more sun

Work more on the Mustang (although Scott will be doing this more than I will)

There's more, I'm sure, I'm just having a little brain freeze and can't think of any more.

So Happy New Year to everyone. Hope this one's better than the last!

P.S. I wrote 2009 like ten times today in my lab book and kept having to correct it. Oops.

So Much For The Couch

So I should have taken a picture...oops.

I was working on the sock, halfway through the foot, and decided to try it on. Well, it turns out, I suck at joining colors and when the sock is stretched out on the foot you can totally see huge ugly holes where I was switching to new colors. SUCK. So, the sock is now just yarn (AGAIN).

This whole teaching myself to knit thing is complicated. I don't know anyone else (personally) who knits, so I have nobody to ask for help and advice. So, I need to figure something out, because I really love these three colors together, and Allene picked them for her socks. Internet research to the rescue! Good thing I have extra time at work to surf the net.

So we had the garage sale, and it was really good. We had a steady stream of people from 7 a.m. to about 2:30, then nobody at all, so we closed up early. Sunday we (meaning Scott and Allene, I was still in bed...couldn't get myself out of bed to save my life) set up again with what was left and NOBODY came at all so they gave up around ten and took the rest of the stuff to the thrift store.

While the sale was going on, there was a group of kids that live down the street that were coming and TOUCHING EVERYTHING and they bought a little toy for like 15 cents and they kept coming back and asking to trade for something else. At one point one of the kids asked to trade his toy for a little box of knitting stitch markers, and I asked him if he even knew what they were and he said yes and I asked him if he knew how to knit and he said yes so I let him trade...whatever. Then, about an hour later, he came back and asked what they were and asked if he could trade them back for the original toy he had bought several hours ago. Oh, did I mention the snot? This kid had snot running down his face. It was so disgusting.

BUT we ended up making a couple hundred dollars.

We were planning on selling our couch and buying a new one because there's a tear in the arm (we tried to use one of those vinyl repair kits but the tear was too big) and it's driving Scott crazy. So we were going to use the money from the sale to get a new couch, along with the money we get from selling the old couch.

We were also planning on buying a new treadmill because the old one overheated and in order to use it you had to open up the motor casing and put ice packs on the motor. Annoying.

However, we have to delay both those purchases because 1) we're doing the whole mortgage thing and trying to make sure we're not flat broke when we're done with it and 2) THE CAR BROKE. Stupid car.

There was a whiny, screechy, whistly noise. Turns out we needed a new water pump. Freaking $434! Lame.

So, no new couch. No new treadmill. We will wait until after we have bought the house and built up our savings buffer again. Sad.

I bathed the dog. He shook all over Allene. It was funny.

The bathtub drain isn't working, so no hot baths for a while.

Li! Panda!

Work today was cool. Everything worked perfectly the first time, so I got done quite early. I came home and tidied up a bit because LI IS COMING! I'm so excited. I haven't seen her in over a year, so it will be nice to catch up and do all our fun things. We're going to hit Panda, since that's something we did together quite frequently during college.

So we went through our shed and some of our closets today and got rid of a lot of things. I feel less cluttered...so relaxing. I still have odds and ends around the house that I need to find places for, or put them where they're supposed to be.

Scott has been trying to sell some old games and paintball gear, and of course the Jetta, and people keep calling, saying they're interested and that they will come at x o'clock, and they never show up. This has happened like ten times. It's getting old. But what can you do? We have it on KSL, and we bought window paint so we can put a note on the window that it's for sale.

Yesterday we went to get groceries and when we came out to the car, the tire was flat! It had a big hole in it that looked like we had run over a nail. So, we went to the only tire place that was open (Wal-Mart) and spent a few hours wandering around while we waited for our car to be better. Our other front tire was close to bare, so we had that one replaced while we were at it. This car is turning out to be more expensive than we thought...one of the headlights is out and the dealer said it would be $400 to fix it...and we tried to get another mechanic to do it, but he said it was beyond him, so we HAVE to go to the dealer. Snakes, the lot of them.

I love my new phone!!!

So, when I turned eight years old, my mom bought me a ball of yarn, a crochet hook, and a little book about how to crochet. Here is a picture of the first thing I ever crocheted: Clearly, I've come a long way. Right now I am making a tablecloth/centerpiece for Naomi. Here is one of the pieces:And of course I'm making all my scarves for the homeless shelter (except this year I learned how to make hats!), and I think I might make myself another purse sometime. Here is a picture of the tree I crocheted onto the end of one of my scarves.I think I will go do logic puzzles for a little while. Then I will sleep. My favorite!

A Car For Em

SO, the stack of paperwork that was supposed to be a two-day project is much much bigger than we expected...I foresee working ten hours or so both Saturday and Sunday to get it done.

In other news, I have a job interview scheduled for this coming Wednesday. I hope I get it, or something, soon. This particular job would be as a heavy metals chemist, which sounds like fun to me! The pay would be low for the first six months, but then get much higher after I've proven my worth...shown them how sparkly I am.

We went to pick up the new car this morning and when we got there we found out that the mechanic had not actually done the alignment like he told us he did, so we had to wait the rest of the day. I think Scott is on the way home from picking up the car as we speak...type...thing.
So today was pretty uneventful. I didn't have anything in particular to be angry about. I miss my mom, which sounds silly coming from someone my age, but we hang out all the time and I've been too busy. I need to get down there soon, though, because she's thinking about buying the Jetta for Emilee to use. I'm all for this, except for the car is starting to make noises and need new things, etc., and I don't want Mim to have to deal with that. But, if she's ok with it, it would be a great first car for Em.

I get terribly timesick. It's like homesick, except you're not really sick for a place, per se, but for a particular time in your life. I get so sad sometimes to think that even if I went back to SD right now, it wouldn't, and never could be, the same. Shelby has moved away, and a lot of my other friends are all over the state or else busy with plays. A lot of my friends have also stayed close the whole time they've been in college, so I would feel like the odd one out even if I got everyone together again. I miss theater, I miss the Pan and Perkins, I miss movie nights and sleepovers and all the other fun stuff.

Later: I just got back from the hospital. It looked like Scott's dad had a heart attack, but he didn't. It was just pain. So, they're keeping him overnight just to keep an eye on him. Good idea.

A New Beginning

SO...back to blogging. I had a blog before, started my first year of college. I abandoned it...life got too crazy what with the college thing. Anyway, I've been itching to write, either in a journal or a blog or notebook...to put my thoughts down, whether in a cathartic manner or creative. I have dreams, strange dreams, but dreams that could be used to create fiction, the stories are so vivid. I have a crazy life, with drama leaking over from my family to my own life, creating tension. At times, I feel like screaming, and at other times I feel completely at peace with the world. Either way, I've been told that writing can help with the tension. And, who knows...maybe someone will stumble across this and get something out of it. What they would get, I can't tell you. Just maybe.

So what is it today? I had a wonderful experience at a car dealership. After months of financial planning and research and fighting with dealers, we settled on what car we wanted and got approved for a loan. Dealers have tried to sell us vastly overpriced cars, and when we tried to negotiate, they pushed and lied and made us feel like we were stupid, which we're not (I have a degree in chemistry. It may mean I'm unemployable, but it also means I am NOT stupid). So today, when we had given up all hope of getting someone to treat us like people, we saw the light at the end of the tunnel. We found the car we wanted on KSL and called to set up an appointment with the dealer. We were surprised when we got there to find a small dealership with only one employee, the nicest car salesperson I had ever met. No hassle. This is the price. Take it or leave it. The price was perfect, it was the perfect car for us, and it was in fabulous shape. So, we bought it. All in under an hour, with no arguing whatsoever. HAPPY DAY!
So, we have a bright, beautiful new precious. I will drive it with the utmost paranoia in order to keep it pristine.

I had a moment today when the drama with my family overwhelmed me and left me speechless. I have no qualms about openly declaring to the whole world (or at least any who read this) that my dad has crossed all boundaries of human decency and family responsibility. The fact that he is a very successful doctor, but my family is struggling financially because of his self-sabotage and his selfishness absolutely leaves me speechless.

I got a call from the pharmacy yesterday, asking me to do two boxes worth of paperwork by Friday, so I better get to work. 15,000 prescription payment records, wooHOO!
I put some papers in a box today and shut the lid. Somehow, the papers magically got out of the box and onto the lawn. There was no hole in the box...the box was securely closed...I must be magic. SO, I win the race.