Night Christmas

This year Em and Jorg wanted to spend Christmas morning with Jason, so we decided to get the whole family together that night for Night Christmas. It's the same as Christmas Morning except we ate tacos and then opened presents at night.

It was SO MUCH FUN!

Scott and I got a present or two for each person from their Amazon wishlists, and then I made a handmade something for each person as well. For Mim I made a scarf and mittens (first time I've ever made mittens!) made from my handspun. For Scott I made a beanie, and for Isaac a greyish blue scarf. For Kwiddens I made this awesome navy blue chunky scarf, and for Nyah I made a little pink ruffle purse (filled with gummi bears, of course). For Em, since she is learning to crochet, I spun some red and black yarn (her favorite colors). I didn't try anything super fancy, since I had to make ALL THE THINGS, and I didn't start until the end of November (oops), but maybe next year I'll try something more commensurate with my skill level.

Scott, of course, got me about a zillion things off of my wishlist per tradition (tons of CDs, a few books, season one of Being Human (with the hottest actor I know of)(I mean, yum, right?), a coaster and keyring with the periodic table on them, another row counter for knitting, and some earrings). Mim got me a half-pound of the most delicious rosy pink merino silk to spin. Em is making me a hat and scarf. Kwiddens got me some CDs and a POUND York...it's huge. I have no idea how I'm going to eat it. I think that's about everything...I may have forgotten a thing or two (I did make out like a bandit this Christmas, I have to say).

I'm really lucky that I enjoy spending holiday time with my family. I know a lot of people don't get along well with their family members and it makes holidays stressful, but with our group we just relax and hang out, doing pretty much whatever we want to. Want to watch a movie? Cool! Want to play a game? Cool! Want to sit and do nothing? Also cool! Seriously, with our family, anything goes because we're so relaxed like that.

Back before the divorce, Christmas (and basically all other holidays) was so stressful. Everything had to be scheduled. Everything had to be perfect. Everything, everything, everything. Jason was always grumpy, even when we went to a lot of trouble to think of the perfect gifts for him. He would still just sit in the corner with a scowl on his face and throw a fit when we wanted him to open his gifts from all of us. I talked to Emilee about it, and apparently that's all he did this Christmas, too. I miss him sometimes, and sometimes I wish we had a better relationship, but I remember things like this and realize that our family gatherings are happier and more loving now, and that's about the best consequence of a divorce situation I can imagine.

Text Time 27

Starring Kwiddens, grammar, and spelling. Enjoy.

Kwiddens: Sigh. "Sea urchant".
Me: Ugh.

Kwiddens: Kill me. "Congratulations to those who one." That was a WORK e-mail.
Me: So unprofessional.
Kwiddens: Seriously. They need to hire me as an editor so they don't look like idiots.

Kwiddens: I'm so glad we know how to spell and use proper grammar. People constantly amaze me. In a bad way.
Me: Riiiiiight? What triggered this gladness?
Kwiddens: Your use of a comma in "Me, too."
Me: Yay!
Kwiddens: At work I listen to people misuse punctuation constantly.
Me: Yuck.
Kwiddens: For real right now.

Me: It bugs me to no end that people say "samwich" instead of "sandwich".
Kwiddens: Ugh, seriously. Or "all of the sudden".
Me: That, too.
Kwiddens: Or ending sentences with "at". That one makes my job hard. The program doesn't like it because it doesn't make sense.

Kwiddens: "All in favor say IIIIIIII!" Facepalm.
Me: Oh hell.
Kwiddens: The English language is writhing on the floor.

Things I Usually Write About

I've been going over excuses in my head for not writing lately...for quite a while, actually...but none of them seem good enough for you all, my wonderful readers (all umm...four?...of you).

What are the things I usually talk about?

Buster: He was naughty twice yesterday and got sent downstairs as punishment. Eating grass while standing in the flower bed where he KNOWS he's not allowed, and later not coming when called while there was someone at the door (we have a SIGN that says No Soliciting, and I KNOW you can read because you were trying to sell newspapers, for heaven's sake). We've gotten too lax with him. He used to be so well-behaved, and technically he still is compared to all the other dogs but if you knew him as well as we do you'd notice a difference, too. Naughty, naughty, naughty.

Scott's back: Well, we've both given up and not given up. We're resigned to our fate at this point, but we're still doing something about all of it. Scott is going to a pain clinic on a regular basis, and a chiropractor when we can afford it, and we're just trying to keep him as active as he can stand. He even wants to try skiing this winter, but we need some snow first...

Yarning: I've been knitting, spinning, and crocheting a TON so far this month, mainly to get all the Christmas presents I want to do done. I'm not doing anything super fancy, but I've got something in the works for Em, Jorg, Mim, and Kwiddens. I'm thinking that if I have time I can make something smallish for Scott and Isaac, too. The problem is, Scott doesn't want anything and Isaac is really too picky about hats, so I don't know what to make. I have no idea what to make Nyah. I don't even know if she would appreciate something at this age. Perhaps a little pink ruffly purse? But I haven't finished any of it. There are still ends to weave in and everything needs to be bathed and blocked before I can take pictures and wrap it all up.

Holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc.): Thanksgiving went off pretty well. Other than a personal matter, everything was totally smooth and stress-free. People were fed and they were happy about it, and nobody got food poisoning. I cooked everything except the mashed potatoes all by myself. Li made the mashed potatoes (and they were heavenly, of course). After the meal we pretty much spent the rest of the weekend eating junk and playing Starcraft 2, and I surprised myself and didn't suck at games as much as I thought I would. As for Christmas, this year we're going to do Night Christmas. That way Em and Jorg can spend Christmas morning with Jason, Mim can hang with me all day and help me cook Christmas dinner, and Kwiddens, Isaac, and Nyah can spend the morning with Nyah's grandparents, and then we can all get together at our house in the evening for dinner and presents.

Work: Eh. It's going. I feel like I've mentally checked out a little, and I feel bad about that, and am trying to muster a bit more enthusiasm, but I'm just tired all the time, and there is an issue I won't go into here that is trying to get resolved, and if it doesn't get resolved to my satisfaction, I'm going to find myself looking for a new job. It would break my heart to leave this company, because it really is a sweet gig, but this issue is...big. Very big. If you're dying of curiosity PM me and I'll talk about it with you on an individual basis, but the blog is not the place for it.

The House: We got the Home Depot card paid off from the fiasco back in May, and that was a huge load off of our minds because let me tell you, spending that much and trying to pay it off in six months to avoid interest will KILL you. Trust me, I know. Anyway. Once we paid it off...we put more on it. We were trying to clean up after Halloween and get the garage cleaned out so one of us could park in there, and getting so frustrated because we have so much crap, and we decided we wanted a shed. So we drove over to Home Depot and bought one. We LOVE it. And of course I don't have a picture, because I'm lazy and tired all the time and who has motivation to take pictures of inanimate objects, anyway? But all of our extra seasonal stuff fits out there, plus the lawnmower, plus lots of room for more stuff as we decide what to put in there.

A few other random thoughts:

I just burned my tongue on hot cocoa. OUCH.

I should have brought a book or a project to work today.

And lastly, I need some lunch but nothing sounds good.

Company For Thanksgiving

The thing about winter is, well, SAD hits me pretty hard. But this year I'm on a new med, and it seems to be making a difference. I mean, I'm tired and want to sleep a lot, but I felt that way before the sun started hiding from me. Usually my moods drop down way low and I have to bust out my light and do happy things to keep my mind off of everything, but this year, so far, I feel fine. In fact, I feel the same as I did during the summer. Interesting... I can handle being tired. I mean, I'm the reason napping was invented. It's the bridge between me and the animals that hibernate.

My anxiety level is also still way down, which is awesome because I have friends coming to stay over Thanksgiving. They arrive this afternoon and leave Sunday morning. Usually this would have me in hysterics, because what if my house isn't clean enough, and what if I'm not entertaining enough, and what if they leave and don't like me anymore? Cue (irrational, ridiculous) panic. But this time, though I'm feeling a little anxious, I'm not freaking the hell out like I would have before.

It's silly, really, to have anxiety over spending time with people you love and care about on a major holiday. I mean, really, Anna? Really? But think about it from my (crazy-ass) perspective: when I've had people over in the past, it's usually been Jorg, and he's so low maintenance there's nothing for me to worry about. All I have to do is throw him and Scott into a room together with a few computers and they play games together for hours days. Hand him some food every few hours and he's happy. These friends who are coming to stay have come to stay before, but it was a last minute, one-night sort of thing, so I didn't really have time to get anxious before they got there, and then there was just the one night, so we went out to dinner, and then we watched The Big Bang Theory while Li got some work done on her laptop and her husband played games with Scott. Super easy. But this time, they'll be here for days, and I'm boring, you guys. All I do for fun is go out to eat and knit (spin, crochet, etc.), and trust me, I'm happy with it this way. Really happy. But Li isn't a knitter, so I don't even know if I'll get any yarning time in this weekend at all. I'm not worried about her husband and Scott at all, though. As long as he brings his computer with him, they'll be all set. We did buy a new board game, but I don't want to play games all weekend because there's nothing else to do.

We'll see how it goes. I'm more than likely getting worked up over nothing, as usual.

Thankful

So with everyone on Facebook doing a 30 days of thankfulness thingy, I decided that I'm only thankful once, though for many things, so I decided to write one post about all of it. Here we go.

I'm grateful for my right and ability to choose: to choose whom to marry, where to work, to not have children (yay birth control methods!), to spend time with whomever I want, and to make all those little everyday choices I take for granted.

I'm thankful for my family. We're a nutty bunch, that's for sure, but we're loving and smart and quirky and loyal and I couldn't have been more blessed to have the mother and siblings I have. I'm even grateful for certain people who won't talk to me any more, because certain people have shaped who I am in good ways even though we more or less parted company years ago.

I'm grateful for my friends. I have a nice group of people on the internet with whom I can share my innermost thoughts (well, some of them...some thoughts are for me and me alone) and who won't judge me for them. I have a group of friends on Facebook, people from high school, college, and companies I've worked for, who are all supportive and interesting, and I love to see how their lives are progressing as they post pictures and updates. I consider my family to be some of my best friends, as well. But mostly in this particular paragraph I'm grateful for my knitting group. I get to see them every week, sometimes more often, and we get to talk about anything under the sun and fiber it up with knitting, spinning, and crocheting (and the occasional cross-stitching). These people, in the short year and a half we've all known each other, have become the closest friends I've had since I was in high school (some of those high school friendships last forever, you know).

I'm thankful for all the material things I have. I have a house that, although built by monkeys, continues to become more beautiful and keeps me warm and safe (and my air conditioning keeps me from melting in the summer). I have two cars, so Scott and I don't ever have to worry about not having transportation. I have more yarn than I can knit right now, and more fiber than I can spin, and my dear Scott keeps letting me buy more, and the stash keeps growing but I can't help myself. I have a beautiful spinning wheel and all the tools I need to keep my hobbies alive and well.

I am grateful for my great job. There are a few issues there, but nothing that can't be worked out eventually. I love what I do and I'm good at it, and that's a great feeling. I work with an awesome bunch of people who all like and care about me. I have good benefits and am fortunate to be full-time, so I have health insurance.

I am thankful for my medicines. Without it there would be no me; of that I am certain. Those five or six little pills a day keep me sane. They preserve my marriage. They keep me functional so I can have all that I have and do all that I do. Without my medicines I would be lost, and probably would have ended it by now.

Most of all, I'm grateful for my Scott. Scott is my shining light. He's so sweet and loving, and a little silly, and it makes me smile every day. He and I have our differences, sure, but we either ignore them (politics, cough) or work with them (I'm such a slob by nature and he's such a neat freak and it takes a lot of work for me to try to be neater and I'm sure it takes even more for him not to FREAK OUT at my messes). Scott is hard-working and only wants my happiness out of this whole entire world. He makes me laugh, and he never makes me cry, except when he's in pain and that makes me so very sad.

You see, I have everything I've ever wanted or needed. I have an amazing life and I would be a fool not to take a moment to appreciate it all.

Text Time 26

Starring Kwiddens, since a couple of these ago she didn't get any texts in.

Kwiddens:

Seriously?

Kwiddens: Kill me. I want you to stab me with something. Just had to do work conduct training. Riddled with grammatical errors.
Me: Uuuugh.
Kwiddens: Any employee (blah blah blah) are required...
Me: Ugh so totally gross.
Kwiddens: "Adherence to company policies regarding these issues comply with state and federal laws is a requirement of all employees." Seriously?
Me: Wut.
Kwiddens: Right?


Kwiddens: What do you call it when you throw NaCl at somebody?
Me: ?
Kwiddens: A salt
Me: Hahahaha
Kwiddens: I'm cheesy and I know it


Kwiddens: Guess what I forgot to bring to work today?
Me: Meds?
Kwiddens: My left shoe.
Me: Hahahahahahahahaha!
Kwiddens: I hope nobody notices...


Me: I want to see the talking baby!
Me: His name is The Cuteness.
Me: Holy cannoli, you are my seester!
Kwiddens: You are the conductor of the potty train!
Me: I totally knew you would say that one!
Kwiddens: Haha

(Movie quotes...)

Pros vs. Cons

There are pros and cons of my taking Abilify. There are pros and cons of taking any medication, for anyone. It's when you weigh them against each other that you decide whether to keep taking the medication or not.

When I first started taking the Abilify, it seemed like I had a bit more energy than I did before, and that it was a little bit easier to pry myself out of bed in the morning to go to my kindasorta boring job every day. But as I've been taking it, I've been feeling more and more tired, and hating my job more and more, and I'm starting to wonder if the job-hating is related to feeling so damn exhausted all the time.

So what are the pros? The gastrointestinal stuff seems to have gone away, so I don't have to worry about that any more. The dry mouth isn't a huge deal; I can ignore that. So overall, there aren't any side effects that I've noticed (or that I care to share...) that are making me hate this, other than feeling so tired. My anxiety over several things has gotten much better (maybe because I'm more sedated...?). I used to have crippling anxiety about driving, especially down to Salt Lake City or to places I've never been before, or anywhere involving left turns without traffic lights (pathetic, I know). There are certain people that I have to be associated with on a regular basis that used to bug the living crap out of me who are now tolerable.

Now, the main reason I switched onto Abilify in the first place was so that I could see if I could lose the weight that I gained when I started the Risperdal all those years ago. So far I haven't put much effort into trying that, but I plan on working on it soonish. It's easy enough for me to lose weight in the first place through dieting, it's just keeping it off that's the issue. I eat carefully for a while and am very good about making reasonable choices when it comes to food, and then I let myself have something unhealthy just this once, and then it landslides from there. It's always been all or nothing for me. But that's been in the past. I've noticed since starting this medication that I don't crave things as often, and I don't crave them nearly as intensely, and when I do eat something I really shouldn't I end up feeling like it doesn't taste as good as it used to, and then I usually just don't want it anymore. I'm wondering if the weight will stay off this time, and so I won't decide for sure if I'm going to stay on this medication or not until after I try for weight loss and maintenance again. If it turns out that the weight just piles on again even when I'm being careful, I'll conclude that the Abilify is going to be just as bad as the Risperdal was, weight-wise, and perhaps switch back, because I'm tired of feeling this tired.

I'm so freaking tired, people.

Blessing Gown

My dear friend is having a baby in the beginning of October. This baby is a miracle baby, ten years in the making, so I wanted to make something incredibly special for her baby shower.

Enter the blessing gown. LDS babies are blessed (usually by their fathers) at about six weeks of age, so I got to make a teeny tiny little dressie!

When I started this project they were told they were having a girl...and then, after I'd gotten pretty far into it, the new doctor said, "Um, yeah, those are testicles." Oops. I had a minor panic, like OH NO I CAN'T MAKE A DRESSIE FOR A BOY but then several people assured me that traditionally many babies are still blessed in gowns, male or female. That was a relief!

So here's the picture on the pattern:

And here's the mega-ball of crochet thread that I used (yes, I made this out of thread):

The biggest part was the first part, the skirt. It was worked in a very large rectangle, and took I think about two months on its own (but I was working on other projects as well, so it wasn't the only thing for two months).

After that an edging was added to the bottom edge of the skirt:

Then the bodice was crocheted onto the skirt (one piece at a time) after gathering it at the top:

Next was making two teeny sleeves (can you believe how small bebby arms are?!):

Setting in the sleeves was a bit difficult, since I had only ever set in sleeves on adult sweaters before, and this was so small and fiddly, but it turned out well:

So here's the gown, with all the actual crocheting finished:

Here's the little bonnet that goes with it, pre-ribbons:

Post-ribbons (completely finished):

And the gown with ribbons, completely done:

And, I had to make it super cute, so when I put it in the gift bag I put it on a teddy bear:

I was super excited to give it to her, which I did at her shower this morning. She loved it! I'm so excited to see it on the baby when he is blessed in December. And I'm equally excited that I can now post this, since she's seen it now.

Whoops...

Yesterday I had a little mishap. Oopsie.



I went through a drive-thru to get lunch and hit one of the posts that keep you from getting too close to the building. My mirror broke clean off, and was hanging by a cable. I felt like an idiot, but Scott fixed it in about five minutes and then this morning I was able to take the tape off. Having a handy dude around is just about the best thing ever.

Text Time 25

Me: As I'm moving things out of these upstairs closets, I'm realizing that during The Zombie Apocalypse I will have no shortage of extra pillows and blankets. And peanuts. For whatever reason, I have a lot of cans of peanuts in my house.
N.: It's important to be prepared, LOL
Me: Funny thing is, Scott can't even eat peanuts...
N.: Perhaps not the best choice to have on hand. Maybe you're hiding them so you won't make him feel bad?
Me: Lol. I need protein! I'll build lots of muscle running from those zombies! I kinda hope they're not rage zombies, though. Those are actually scary.
N.: Every time I take a donation to Savers I find myself wondering if I will regret giving that stuff away in a zombie apocalypse. I'm hoping for a slow-moving zombie if a zombie outbreak must happen. My husband is looking at old Jeeps. I just told him that a hard top would be a better choice for a zombie apocalypse.


Me: Damn it all to hell. I bought deodorant this morning and now I can't find it anywhere.
N.: Look in all the cans of peanuts ;-P


Mim:
Me: Empty text?
Mim: It's like a gift card. It can be anything you want!

Me: New record! 170 samples!
Boss: Frame that and put it on the wall!


Mim: Once a vampire is in your house, can you rescind the invitation?
Me: I don't think so. Have you found one in your apartment?

Great Basin Fiber Arts Fair Fiber

A few weekends ago I went with a few fibery friends to the Great Basin Fiber Arts Fair. It was bigger than last year, and was indoors, and didn't have alpacas to pet, which was a bit disappointing. I felt better after a bit of shopping though...

One of the two things I bought (Two! Go go self-control!) was this lovely braid, made of wool, bamboo, and silk. It was deliciously soft.

Unbraided:

On bobbins:

During plying (chain-plied this one):

Wound off into a skein:

And boom, there they are. They're very soft and will soften up even more when I wash them and then make something out of them.

The Colors!

Every time I finish a major project (and I can't post about it until after the baby shower...) I get the urge to make something small and fast, so even though I have a wedding shawl to work on and Scott's socks to finish, I cast on some socks for myself with some yarn Mim bought me this past Christmas.

They were just about the only thing I worked on for two weeks, with the exception of a bit of spinning, so they came to be much more quickly than my socks usually do.

They turned out a little big, so I'm hoping that if I wash them they'll shrink a teeny bit.

Stripey Knee Socks

A long freaking time ago I started these, and then I ran out of yarn slightly over halfway through the project, and then for a while I was lying to myself, saying I wasn't going to buy more yarn, and then I did, and while I was at it I ordered the rest of the yarn for these socks, and then finally finished them.

Here they are in all their glory:

Behold, the stripey knee socks!

(Sorry that last picture is blurry)

Text Time 24

N.: Went to Dr. They took 5 vials of blood. Bloody vampires...
Me: Ha! At least they weren't zombies. Five vials of brains would leave you a bit stupid...
N.: Maybe that would be ok. I wouldn't know about the impending zombie apocalypse because I would be light on brains.
Me: Hmmm...good point.

Em: A woman called in furious that we had a presale on Sunday because it might encourage people to break the sabbath. Then she demanded we let her have all the presale discounts on Saturday.

Me: I'm a little worried that my friend will have to bring her babies with her to my house...
B.:Ugh, I hope not.
Me: Yeah. We have guns EVERYWHERE.
B.: I think shooting her babies might be a little extreme...
Me: Noooo, I meant that babies get into things. Bad things. And my house isn't childproof.
B.: LMAO, I know, I was hoping to make you laugh!

Jorg: "Wait, was Hitler still alive during WWI?"-some guy in my history class.
Me: You're JOKING.
Jorg: Nope.
Me: I'm so glad you're brilliant!

Me: Scott is eating chicken! Solid chicken!
Mim: Yay! Is it dead?

Three Weeks?!

So you know how the other day I pinpointed what was causing my depression?

Mim pinpointed something else. I was venting to her the other day because she's one of the few people who completely understands what I'm going through, not only because she's going through it herself, but also because she watched me grow up and knows what I'm capable of (or what I used to be capable of...).

She said "Haven't you been on your period for like three weeks?"

Oh. Duh.

(I know that's not normal. I'm looking into it.)

The Tale Of the Tonsillectomy

Did I tell you Scott got his tonsils out? Nope, I don't think I did.

It was last month on the 15th, two days before his birthday, poor thing.

Scott had been snoring, and since sleep apnea runs in his family we were concerned. He went to see an ENT and he wanted to take his tonsils out before doing a sleep study to see if that would take care of the problem.

I took the day off of work so I could drive him to and from the surgery and take care of him, and since I wasn't able to get any more days off work, Jorg came up for a few days to help me take care of him while I went to earn the money that would pay the giant hospital bills. Hooray.

Anyway, he's healing pretty well. The first ten days or so were really rough for him. Apparently the surgery is MUCH worse for adults than for children. I wasn't prepared for how bad it would actually be, though... There was the pain, of course, but he had such bad nausea that he couldn't keep anything down, even water, for a few days, and he wasn't healing well because of it. We had to go in to the doctor again early to get some anti-nausea meds, and once we did that, he started healing a lot better, since he could drink more water (or, more accurately, eat more ice chips) and actually get some soup and mashed potatoes down.

He took eight days off work (paid, thank goodness), and he had left a to-do list for his coworkers to cover for him while he was gone, and when he got back none of it had been done. None. So when he got back he had to work from about 7 a.m. to 1 or 2 in the morning for a few days to get caught up. He was exhausted, and still healing, and I'm a little miffed at his boss for not having people actually cover for him while he was gone so he didn't have to put in 18-hour days the week he got back.

Anyway, he's doing a lot better now, and since the pain in his throat has mostly subsided, he can now focus on the pain in his back. Hooray.

Don't Wanna

You know, I totally thought I had a great poker face at work, like when I was feeling down, I thought  people wouldn't be able to tell. Apparently, I can hide the crazy, but not the depression. I've had three people in three different departments ask me if I was okay this morning. And to all of them I actually said "No." I can't believe I did that. I think this means I feel totally comfortable with the three coworkers who asked, and feel like I can confide in them that no, things are not quite okay, and here's why. I didn't go into the whole meds-make-my-brain-fuzzy thing, but I did talk a bit about job dissatisfaction, stress, not sleeping well, and general depression. And you know what? They didn't judge me for being a crazy person (not that I expected them to). Nobody really does, that I know of.

Anyway, I've been thinking all day about how I don't really want to go to knit night tonight, but I don't want to ditch my friends, and I really need to get out of the house, and on and on. I'm stressing out majorly today (more so in the morning than now) because of work, even though it's not an unusually busy day or anything. I think the depression is just lowering my tolerance for stress, and that in turn is causing some anxiety over things that, on any other day, wouldn't even cross my mind. I mean, I ran out of disposable pipets and freaked out. Then I used something else and everything turned out just fine. No big deal, right? Apparently, it was.

But as I said the other day: I'm more or less forcing myself to go to things and blog (look, it's working!) and get up and go to work every morning, so I'll go to knit night tonight. I just might not like it.

Walking On Air

Well, we got our new carpet installed...a while ago.

Have you ever carpeted three rooms, four closets, and two flights of stairs? You have to move EVERYTHING. We had stuff shoved in every little nook and cranny in the house. My bathroom served as book storage:

Makes me look way smarter than I actually am.

Anyway, here's the old carpet. We ripped it up ourselves to save a few dollars.

Here's the end result on the stairs:

We got the super fluffy kind, with the super smooshy pad underneath, and it's like walking around on clouds.

I Pinpointed It

I've been thinking a bit lately about what has me depressed. It all started at work a few weeks ago...

A new guy started. New Guy is perfectly nice, and this has almost nothing to do with him. HPLC Chemist also has a teeny role in this, but of course it's not at all his fault, either.

So HPLC Chemist is still in school and is always asking me chemistry questions, and I don't know the answers because I've been out of school for five years and because these damn drugs...well, I'll get to that in a moment. Either way, he asks me a question and I have to say "I'm sorry, I don't remember..." and then I feel like a total dumbass.

New Guy is not fresh out of college, but more so than I am, so he remembers things and picks up everything super fast. This is a good thing, for sure. It's also a good thing that HPLC Chemist is always trying to learn more about not just his classes, but his job and the chemistry it entails. These really are good things.

So I feel like an idiot. That's what has me depressed lately. I pinpointed it. Here's the thing: I know I'm smart. I know that. I have a degree in chemistry, for hell's sake.

Have you seen the movie "A Beautiful Mind"? Now, I am in NO WAY comparing myself to John Nash, because holy hell would that be the height of hubris, but in the movie, at one point, he started to take antipsychotic medication and found that he could no longer think clearly, especially on matters mathematical. This is how I feel. I feel dulled. I feel cloudy. I try to do math in my head that used to be so incredibly easy for me and I have to stop and write it down, because I can't hold the numbers in my mind.

I used to be smart. In college, I was in no way a Sheldon Cooper (I didn't go to college when I was 12), but I was at least a Leonard Hofsteder, however you spell his name. I got my degree with minimal effort because things just made sense to me. The math just made sense. Chemical processes made sense. It all just clicked. I loved it all so much. And now it's just lost. All the things I knew, everything I memorized and learned and studied so hard, it's all gone. I don't remember things anymore. And if I try to re-learn something, it doesn't stick.

I feel so stupid. I hate it.

And it doesn't help that I was walking New Guy through how to do my job for when I'm not there (he's going to learn everyone's stuff so he can sub when we're sick or vacationing), and I realized that with few exceptions, I do the same damn thing over and over every single day. I try to tell myself that I work for yarn, and to get myself out of the house every day, and to be social, and I work for the weekend, but I can't help but feel like I've wasted my hard-earned degree with a position as nothing more than a glorified lab tech. Now don't get me wrong; it's a good job. I get paid more than I need, I have great benefits, and for the most part I like my coworkers. But there's no challenge. And I'm not sure I could handle a job that was a challenge, since my mind has turned to muck.

Damn drugs.

But I can never go off of them and hope to have even a shred of a decent life, not to mention a decent relationship with Scott.

This Fridge Is Totally Worth It

So I just kinda realized that I finished my kitchen...like finished finished...and didn't say anything. See? Depression.

So here's the truck pulling up for delivery:

Shiny new fridge:

Shiny new stove:

We already had the dishwasher, countertops, cabinets, etc.:

We got our new fridge and microwave installed (ignore the mess, please):

And the new stove:

THEY ALL MATCH. Everything is so beautiful. I'm really excited about this (well, as excited as you're going to get when you're depressed). I feel like we've accomplished something BIG.

Funny thing about the fridge: we measured it long before we bought it so we would be sure it would fit when we designed the cabinets and had the countertops installed. When they were installed, it looked like it was all installed properly, because the fridge we used to have was a smidge smaller than this new one, so of course it fit just fine.

Well, we went to put the new one in and it didn't fit. Like, at all. Cue panic. It turns out the countertop people installed it very slightly wrong...just wrong enough to make us freak out, apparently. What it took to get it to fit was everyone donning respirators or masks and Scott using his Skil saw to shave down the countertop,

then once he had gotten it shaved down as much as he could without damaging the cabinet, he sanded it, and then he spent probably 20 minutes shoving the damn thing in place. Let me tell you...if this thing ever needs servicing it better not need to come out because that thing is in there. It's funny now but at the time we just about had matching heart attacks.

I Then ATE A Sno-Cone

Another recent spinning adventure was with my Sno-Cone batt from my knitting group friend. I told myself I wasn't going to buy more fiber except the fiber club, but I saw this and Had. To. Have. It. I mean, THE RAINBOW COLORS.

Here it is on the bobbin:

I tried to get more color control on this batt than others I've spun before. I spun it so whatever I make from it will have four repeats of a blue-green-yellow-orange-pink-purple stripe pattern.

Overall I'm happy with how it turned out. I chain-plied it to keep the color control, and I think it turned out a good weight, and it's pretty consistent, too.

I don't know how long it's going to take me to remember to take before pictures as well as after...

I borrowed the picture from her Etsy shop so you could see how scrumptious it looked, sitting there in front of me, calling my name...it's the big picture in the center.

Mittens?

I have more than one friend in my knitting group that dyes fiber, either for fun or for a living. I get my monthly club fiber from one of them, and the other brings in braids she's done every once in a while.

Here's one I bought from her:

This one was large enough that I needed two bobbins (which isn't that much, in the spinning world, but it's a lot for a newbie like me).

It ended up in two skeins, and this picture is too dark, but you can see how much I have. It's not the softest wool, so I don't know what I'll do with it. Mittens, perhaps?

My wheel spinning is slowly but surely getting more consistent. I'm sure if I practiced more I'd be better at it by now...

It's Almost Blindingly Pink

I bought myself a new knitting bag. It is shiny hot pink with shinier butterflies on it. I am apparently nine years old.

I also bought a set of nesting pink pouches. I'm using one for each project I have in progress. That way whatever notions I need I have already right there in my hot pink project pouch. I forgot to take pictures of those...I should do that; they're totally adorable.

I Made Soup! By Myself!

Every couple of weeks Scott and I are now participating in a produce co-op called Bountiful Baskets. Basically, for $15 you get $50 worth of produce, and all you have to do is volunteer every once in a while (which I haven't done yet, since it's at 5 freaking 30 in the morning...). The produce is just like what you would get in a grocery store. Here's the first basket we got:

 (In the brown bag there are peaches and plums)

That's a LOT for $15, riiiiiiight? It lasts us two weeks, usually, since it's just the two of us.

Anyway, it's helped me and Scott to work more fruits and vegetables into our diet, which is definitely a good thing. It's also saving us money. Also, I'm trying cooking. COOKING. ME. It's amazing; I totally made cauliflower cheese soup from scratch and it was almost as delicious as at Zupas!

Anyway, hit up the link above if you're interested and see if there's a co-op near you. They're all over the country, apparently.

The 80s Are A Blur

I've been looking through my pictures and realizing that I've been making things...many, many things...but not posting because oh look, I'm depressed and boring.

So I've joined this fiber club where every month I get an art batt and a coordinating top. It's always a surprise what we get. I love it! I finally got around to spinning the first month's fiber a little while ago, and wanted to show you all a couple of pictures. Or like ten pictures.

Of course, I forgot to take a picture of the unspun batt because I'm a rock star like that...it was titled "The 80s Are A Blur" for obvious, very colorful reasons.

Here is the batt on the bobbin:

It has a bit of something shiny in it, and you can see on that last one how it catches the light a bit.

And here it is all spun up:

I know, it kinda looks like a clown threw up, but wait and you'll see the end result.

Here's the blue top that came with it, drawn out into thin strips to make it easier to draft:

In progress, going onto the bobbin:

Finished on the bobbin:

Finished and wound into a hank:

And the two together, wound into center-pull balls:

Still kinda looks like clown barf, yes? Well...

It took me several false starts and experiments to decide what exactly to do with this, but it turns out it wanted to be a cowl for Em:

It's not really to my taste, but Em loves ALL THE COLORS and when I showed her the halfway-done cowl she expressed delight in what she saw, so I'm satisfied with the end result of the first month's fiber club fiber.

This is the first time I've actually made something from yarn I've spun. I'm slightly proud of myself!