Pros vs. Cons

There are pros and cons of my taking Abilify. There are pros and cons of taking any medication, for anyone. It's when you weigh them against each other that you decide whether to keep taking the medication or not.

When I first started taking the Abilify, it seemed like I had a bit more energy than I did before, and that it was a little bit easier to pry myself out of bed in the morning to go to my kindasorta boring job every day. But as I've been taking it, I've been feeling more and more tired, and hating my job more and more, and I'm starting to wonder if the job-hating is related to feeling so damn exhausted all the time.

So what are the pros? The gastrointestinal stuff seems to have gone away, so I don't have to worry about that any more. The dry mouth isn't a huge deal; I can ignore that. So overall, there aren't any side effects that I've noticed (or that I care to share...) that are making me hate this, other than feeling so tired. My anxiety over several things has gotten much better (maybe because I'm more sedated...?). I used to have crippling anxiety about driving, especially down to Salt Lake City or to places I've never been before, or anywhere involving left turns without traffic lights (pathetic, I know). There are certain people that I have to be associated with on a regular basis that used to bug the living crap out of me who are now tolerable.

Now, the main reason I switched onto Abilify in the first place was so that I could see if I could lose the weight that I gained when I started the Risperdal all those years ago. So far I haven't put much effort into trying that, but I plan on working on it soonish. It's easy enough for me to lose weight in the first place through dieting, it's just keeping it off that's the issue. I eat carefully for a while and am very good about making reasonable choices when it comes to food, and then I let myself have something unhealthy just this once, and then it landslides from there. It's always been all or nothing for me. But that's been in the past. I've noticed since starting this medication that I don't crave things as often, and I don't crave them nearly as intensely, and when I do eat something I really shouldn't I end up feeling like it doesn't taste as good as it used to, and then I usually just don't want it anymore. I'm wondering if the weight will stay off this time, and so I won't decide for sure if I'm going to stay on this medication or not until after I try for weight loss and maintenance again. If it turns out that the weight just piles on again even when I'm being careful, I'll conclude that the Abilify is going to be just as bad as the Risperdal was, weight-wise, and perhaps switch back, because I'm tired of feeling this tired.

I'm so freaking tired, people.