You know, I'd been feeling not only depression, but hopelessness when it came to Scott's back pain. But he had another epidural injection last Thursday, and although I wasn't optimistic, it seems to be helping. He's not 100% pain-free, but he did something amazing the other day: he bent over and picked something off of the floor. I know that doesn't seem like a big deal, but around here it's a hella big deal. He was also able to spend a few hours on yard work the other day, and it hurt him, but he was able to push through it, whereas before he would have had to stop ten minutes in.
So although I know I can chalk up the last few weeks of depression to both a bipolar phase and life frustration at the same time, this was something that was bothering me badly and now it seems like we can live with it. Now the next thing to worry about is how long this injection will last. Previous injections have lasted up to two months. Unfortunately, he can only get them every three months because they're bone-degenerative. So if this one lasts two months, and that's a big IF, it'll leave him with a whole month of pain before he can get another one.
Anyway, that's just the nature of a bipolar person who thinks too much: I worry, and worry, and worry some more. It keeps me up at night. I can't often just live in the moment; I have to think things out, like in a chess game. I have to know what the plan is five steps from now. If I don't, I get uncomfortable or anxious.
On the other hand, sometimes it's nice to do something spontaneously, because then I don't have time to agonize over every little detail before it happens, like I'm currently doing with my trip down to see my grandparents next week. I know in my mind that everything will be fine, but I'm worrying about the stupidest little things and I need to stop.
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