Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Yet Another New Reality

Last time I checked in I was feeling like I was headed into a downward spiral.

For a while there it felt like it wouldn't be so bad. Then a few things happened yesterday.

First, Boyfriend (well, now EX-Boyfriend) came over and dumped me out of nowhere. Same reason as Scott: "You're an amazing person but my feelings for you are gone."

Okay. I can deal with that. I've had worse. Insert self-pep-talk here.

Ten minutes later I got a phone call from a company with whom I had interviewed this past Friday. I got the job! I was elated. I was so proud of myself. I said, "At least there's some good news to offset the bad."

Ten minutes later I got the formal offer through e-mail. And they were offering a pay cut.

Sigh. I had had high hopes for this job opportunity.

Okay...now two things...can I handle this? Probably. I felt like I was being kicked while I was down, but still felt like I had the ability to compartmentalize and keep going with my life.

Today I came home from work, a little early, and decided to take a nap. When I'm depressed, I sleep a lot, just to get through the days until it passes (which it usually does on its own).

I dreamt that I hadn't been in a breakup yesterday, that things were just fine, and when I woke up just now...

...I just have this horrible sinking feeling. It's real. I don't know how long I'm going to feel depressed, or how bad it's going to get, but it's going to get worse. I can feel it.

And that, my friends, is the new reality that I now face.

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