Scott actually filed the divorce papers yesterday. I felt more or less okay all day, just a little down, but when I was in bed trying to sleep I just got overwhelmingly sad and I started crying again.
I feel so bad for crying in front of Scott because I know this whole thing is hurting him, too, and a large part of that is his feeling guilty about hurting me, and when I hurt more, he hurts more, so I'm trying not to let it out. But last night I couldn't help it.
I have a move-in date set for December 6th (took a day off of work) at my new apartment, and the big move-all-the-things day will be the next day, Saturday December 7th. I have several people who are willing to come over and help me load up my stuff into trucks and haul it off to its new life. I honestly don't have that much stuff that is only mine, and the only big piece of furniture I'm keeping is the king-sized bed. Everything else will fit into people's vans or SUVs.
So I just need to start packing my stuff...I'm thinking if I do a few boxes here and there I won't have as much to pack the week of the move.
I keep making lists of things I'm going to need to buy for my new place and it's about a thousand things, most of which I can wait until later to buy. It's realistically going to take probably a year for me to get everything perfect, just the way I want it.
I thought that as time went on and I checked things off of my to-do list I would start to feel better, but overall this is feeling worse and worse. It hurts. A lot.
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