December 4 Wonder
How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?
I don't know if I cultivated it, per se, but I can tell you about a moment I experienced some pretty awesome wonder. Is that cheating? Maybe. That's too bad.
I watched poor Kwiddens go through nine ridiculous months of pregnancy. I listened to her when she complained about her ankles, or her vision getting blurry, or her belly being so huge she couldn't reach to shave her legs in the shower, or any one of a myriad of other pregnancy-related woes.
I had never personally been at the hospital with someone who was having a baby. Whenever Mim was having a baby someone came over to babysit us, and we just waited at home until Mim and New Baby came home from the hospital. Kwiddens was the first in our family to get babied, so it was a whole new experience being at the hospital with her. She was stoned out of her mind, mind you, but I was so impressed and proud of her. I mean, seriously, I don't think I would be able to push a giant baby out of a tiny little place...sorry to be crude. It's just one more reason for me NOT to get pregnant.
Anyway.
When she was done and the baby was out and clean (thankfully!) I was blown away by how beautiful she was. I mean it: she came out perfect. And it got me thinking: frankly, the odds of someone getting pregnant are astronomically bad. Think about it. The woman has to be at the exact right time in the cycle. The man has to have...stuff...that's mature enough to be effective. Then, you know, the dirty stuff happens, and then the two have to get together very soon or else nothing will happen. Then, thousands of little guys have to fight over one little egg, if they can even find it, and then maybe, just maybe, it works. THEN, it has to successfully implant, and that doesn't always work. The odds are ridiculous. The fact that a baby gets made is an absolute miracle, statistically, and then the fact that the baby, this beautiful, amazing baby, arrived safe and in perfect health, well, the word is WOW.
I held her and she just snuggled right into my shoulder, and I felt...amazing.
And THAT, my friends, is a moment of wonder.
yep. sounds pretty damn wonderful. i am in equal parts amazed and repulsed by the idea of pregnancy, pretty much for all the reasons you gave. now that i'm in a better relationship, i.e., someone with whom i'd actually consider reproducing, i've backed off the "never" into an "almost never" mindset. but still. gaaaah.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written, sister.
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