He Fell! It Was Awful!

Here I am, sitting at my desk at work, bored out of my skull because I finished all of my work two hours ago but have to stay until my service technician is done with the preventative maintenance on my mercury analyzer. Hooray.

So, I'll tell you a story. It's a sad story. You've been warned.

On Sunday Scott fell down our front stairs when he slipped on the ice. It was on the exact same spot where I slipped on the ice three weeks ago.

Now, I got off easy when I fell. All I got was some giant bruising (and a few moments of tear-inducing pain when it first happened). Scott, however, twisted his already injured back.

He can barely move to get from the bed to the couch and back.

I've been doing all I can for him, but, unfortunately, all that entails is getting him food, drinks, meds, and ice packs. I'm grateful he can at least crawl up the stairs to use the bathroom by himself... But there's not much else I can do except sit with him and feel sad on his behalf.

Sad, sad day.

Happy 2013!

I suppose it's about time for a New Year post.

This past year has been pretty good. I mean, things haven't been perfect, that's for damn sure. But do you know how much worse things could really have been?

This year I learned to spin and bought a spinning wheel. I started my first lace project. I made a ton of really pretty stitch markers. I learned to wash and dye raw wool. I made my friend a beautiful blessing gown.

In January, I got burned with concentrated acid.

We put in new hardwood floors, got new carpet, and got new appliances. We put new blinds in all the windows of the house.

Scott and I had our fifth anniversary.

I switched from Risperdal to Abilify. I thought about whether this was a good thing or a bad thing.

And...that's about it. And at the same time, there's much more that I didn't write about, because this has apparently been the year of unmotivation (to blog).

My only regret for this year is that Scott's back has only gotten worse, and he's been put on stronger and stronger pain medication as his body gets used to what he's taking. He's trying very hard not to let it control his life, but it's hard some days when he can't even get out of bed because the pain is too bad. He did manage to go skiing last weekend (though he paid for that for the next two days...) and tries to go shooting as much as he can, and we try to take Buster on walks more often, but staying active is harder than you'd think when you're living with back pain.

Overall, though, this has been a good year. I had a lot of good times with my friends and family that I will never forget.

So what do I want for 2013? Not a damn thing (except the back pain thing really needs to go away). I'm not making any resolutions, because I'm just going to break them and then beat myself up about it. I'm just going to try to be the best I can and that's all anyone can ask of me, including myself.

Happy New Year, everyone! Since tonight's Friday night, I'll make a toast to 2013 with some sour apple schnapps, and go to bed early. Because I can.

Night Christmas

This year Em and Jorg wanted to spend Christmas morning with Jason, so we decided to get the whole family together that night for Night Christmas. It's the same as Christmas Morning except we ate tacos and then opened presents at night.

It was SO MUCH FUN!

Scott and I got a present or two for each person from their Amazon wishlists, and then I made a handmade something for each person as well. For Mim I made a scarf and mittens (first time I've ever made mittens!) made from my handspun. For Scott I made a beanie, and for Isaac a greyish blue scarf. For Kwiddens I made this awesome navy blue chunky scarf, and for Nyah I made a little pink ruffle purse (filled with gummi bears, of course). For Em, since she is learning to crochet, I spun some red and black yarn (her favorite colors). I didn't try anything super fancy, since I had to make ALL THE THINGS, and I didn't start until the end of November (oops), but maybe next year I'll try something more commensurate with my skill level.

Scott, of course, got me about a zillion things off of my wishlist per tradition (tons of CDs, a few books, season one of Being Human (with the hottest actor I know of)(I mean, yum, right?), a coaster and keyring with the periodic table on them, another row counter for knitting, and some earrings). Mim got me a half-pound of the most delicious rosy pink merino silk to spin. Em is making me a hat and scarf. Kwiddens got me some CDs and a POUND York...it's huge. I have no idea how I'm going to eat it. I think that's about everything...I may have forgotten a thing or two (I did make out like a bandit this Christmas, I have to say).

I'm really lucky that I enjoy spending holiday time with my family. I know a lot of people don't get along well with their family members and it makes holidays stressful, but with our group we just relax and hang out, doing pretty much whatever we want to. Want to watch a movie? Cool! Want to play a game? Cool! Want to sit and do nothing? Also cool! Seriously, with our family, anything goes because we're so relaxed like that.

Back before the divorce, Christmas (and basically all other holidays) was so stressful. Everything had to be scheduled. Everything had to be perfect. Everything, everything, everything. Jason was always grumpy, even when we went to a lot of trouble to think of the perfect gifts for him. He would still just sit in the corner with a scowl on his face and throw a fit when we wanted him to open his gifts from all of us. I talked to Emilee about it, and apparently that's all he did this Christmas, too. I miss him sometimes, and sometimes I wish we had a better relationship, but I remember things like this and realize that our family gatherings are happier and more loving now, and that's about the best consequence of a divorce situation I can imagine.

Text Time 27

Starring Kwiddens, grammar, and spelling. Enjoy.

Kwiddens: Sigh. "Sea urchant".
Me: Ugh.

Kwiddens: Kill me. "Congratulations to those who one." That was a WORK e-mail.
Me: So unprofessional.
Kwiddens: Seriously. They need to hire me as an editor so they don't look like idiots.

Kwiddens: I'm so glad we know how to spell and use proper grammar. People constantly amaze me. In a bad way.
Me: Riiiiiight? What triggered this gladness?
Kwiddens: Your use of a comma in "Me, too."
Me: Yay!
Kwiddens: At work I listen to people misuse punctuation constantly.
Me: Yuck.
Kwiddens: For real right now.

Me: It bugs me to no end that people say "samwich" instead of "sandwich".
Kwiddens: Ugh, seriously. Or "all of the sudden".
Me: That, too.
Kwiddens: Or ending sentences with "at". That one makes my job hard. The program doesn't like it because it doesn't make sense.

Kwiddens: "All in favor say IIIIIIII!" Facepalm.
Me: Oh hell.
Kwiddens: The English language is writhing on the floor.

Things I Usually Write About

I've been going over excuses in my head for not writing lately...for quite a while, actually...but none of them seem good enough for you all, my wonderful readers (all umm...four?...of you).

What are the things I usually talk about?

Buster: He was naughty twice yesterday and got sent downstairs as punishment. Eating grass while standing in the flower bed where he KNOWS he's not allowed, and later not coming when called while there was someone at the door (we have a SIGN that says No Soliciting, and I KNOW you can read because you were trying to sell newspapers, for heaven's sake). We've gotten too lax with him. He used to be so well-behaved, and technically he still is compared to all the other dogs but if you knew him as well as we do you'd notice a difference, too. Naughty, naughty, naughty.

Scott's back: Well, we've both given up and not given up. We're resigned to our fate at this point, but we're still doing something about all of it. Scott is going to a pain clinic on a regular basis, and a chiropractor when we can afford it, and we're just trying to keep him as active as he can stand. He even wants to try skiing this winter, but we need some snow first...

Yarning: I've been knitting, spinning, and crocheting a TON so far this month, mainly to get all the Christmas presents I want to do done. I'm not doing anything super fancy, but I've got something in the works for Em, Jorg, Mim, and Kwiddens. I'm thinking that if I have time I can make something smallish for Scott and Isaac, too. The problem is, Scott doesn't want anything and Isaac is really too picky about hats, so I don't know what to make. I have no idea what to make Nyah. I don't even know if she would appreciate something at this age. Perhaps a little pink ruffly purse? But I haven't finished any of it. There are still ends to weave in and everything needs to be bathed and blocked before I can take pictures and wrap it all up.

Holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc.): Thanksgiving went off pretty well. Other than a personal matter, everything was totally smooth and stress-free. People were fed and they were happy about it, and nobody got food poisoning. I cooked everything except the mashed potatoes all by myself. Li made the mashed potatoes (and they were heavenly, of course). After the meal we pretty much spent the rest of the weekend eating junk and playing Starcraft 2, and I surprised myself and didn't suck at games as much as I thought I would. As for Christmas, this year we're going to do Night Christmas. That way Em and Jorg can spend Christmas morning with Jason, Mim can hang with me all day and help me cook Christmas dinner, and Kwiddens, Isaac, and Nyah can spend the morning with Nyah's grandparents, and then we can all get together at our house in the evening for dinner and presents.

Work: Eh. It's going. I feel like I've mentally checked out a little, and I feel bad about that, and am trying to muster a bit more enthusiasm, but I'm just tired all the time, and there is an issue I won't go into here that is trying to get resolved, and if it doesn't get resolved to my satisfaction, I'm going to find myself looking for a new job. It would break my heart to leave this company, because it really is a sweet gig, but this issue is...big. Very big. If you're dying of curiosity PM me and I'll talk about it with you on an individual basis, but the blog is not the place for it.

The House: We got the Home Depot card paid off from the fiasco back in May, and that was a huge load off of our minds because let me tell you, spending that much and trying to pay it off in six months to avoid interest will KILL you. Trust me, I know. Anyway. Once we paid it off...we put more on it. We were trying to clean up after Halloween and get the garage cleaned out so one of us could park in there, and getting so frustrated because we have so much crap, and we decided we wanted a shed. So we drove over to Home Depot and bought one. We LOVE it. And of course I don't have a picture, because I'm lazy and tired all the time and who has motivation to take pictures of inanimate objects, anyway? But all of our extra seasonal stuff fits out there, plus the lawnmower, plus lots of room for more stuff as we decide what to put in there.

A few other random thoughts:

I just burned my tongue on hot cocoa. OUCH.

I should have brought a book or a project to work today.

And lastly, I need some lunch but nothing sounds good.

Company For Thanksgiving

The thing about winter is, well, SAD hits me pretty hard. But this year I'm on a new med, and it seems to be making a difference. I mean, I'm tired and want to sleep a lot, but I felt that way before the sun started hiding from me. Usually my moods drop down way low and I have to bust out my light and do happy things to keep my mind off of everything, but this year, so far, I feel fine. In fact, I feel the same as I did during the summer. Interesting... I can handle being tired. I mean, I'm the reason napping was invented. It's the bridge between me and the animals that hibernate.

My anxiety level is also still way down, which is awesome because I have friends coming to stay over Thanksgiving. They arrive this afternoon and leave Sunday morning. Usually this would have me in hysterics, because what if my house isn't clean enough, and what if I'm not entertaining enough, and what if they leave and don't like me anymore? Cue (irrational, ridiculous) panic. But this time, though I'm feeling a little anxious, I'm not freaking the hell out like I would have before.

It's silly, really, to have anxiety over spending time with people you love and care about on a major holiday. I mean, really, Anna? Really? But think about it from my (crazy-ass) perspective: when I've had people over in the past, it's usually been Jorg, and he's so low maintenance there's nothing for me to worry about. All I have to do is throw him and Scott into a room together with a few computers and they play games together for hours days. Hand him some food every few hours and he's happy. These friends who are coming to stay have come to stay before, but it was a last minute, one-night sort of thing, so I didn't really have time to get anxious before they got there, and then there was just the one night, so we went out to dinner, and then we watched The Big Bang Theory while Li got some work done on her laptop and her husband played games with Scott. Super easy. But this time, they'll be here for days, and I'm boring, you guys. All I do for fun is go out to eat and knit (spin, crochet, etc.), and trust me, I'm happy with it this way. Really happy. But Li isn't a knitter, so I don't even know if I'll get any yarning time in this weekend at all. I'm not worried about her husband and Scott at all, though. As long as he brings his computer with him, they'll be all set. We did buy a new board game, but I don't want to play games all weekend because there's nothing else to do.

We'll see how it goes. I'm more than likely getting worked up over nothing, as usual.

Thankful

So with everyone on Facebook doing a 30 days of thankfulness thingy, I decided that I'm only thankful once, though for many things, so I decided to write one post about all of it. Here we go.

I'm grateful for my right and ability to choose: to choose whom to marry, where to work, to not have children (yay birth control methods!), to spend time with whomever I want, and to make all those little everyday choices I take for granted.

I'm thankful for my family. We're a nutty bunch, that's for sure, but we're loving and smart and quirky and loyal and I couldn't have been more blessed to have the mother and siblings I have. I'm even grateful for certain people who won't talk to me any more, because certain people have shaped who I am in good ways even though we more or less parted company years ago.

I'm grateful for my friends. I have a nice group of people on the internet with whom I can share my innermost thoughts (well, some of them...some thoughts are for me and me alone) and who won't judge me for them. I have a group of friends on Facebook, people from high school, college, and companies I've worked for, who are all supportive and interesting, and I love to see how their lives are progressing as they post pictures and updates. I consider my family to be some of my best friends, as well. But mostly in this particular paragraph I'm grateful for my knitting group. I get to see them every week, sometimes more often, and we get to talk about anything under the sun and fiber it up with knitting, spinning, and crocheting (and the occasional cross-stitching). These people, in the short year and a half we've all known each other, have become the closest friends I've had since I was in high school (some of those high school friendships last forever, you know).

I'm thankful for all the material things I have. I have a house that, although built by monkeys, continues to become more beautiful and keeps me warm and safe (and my air conditioning keeps me from melting in the summer). I have two cars, so Scott and I don't ever have to worry about not having transportation. I have more yarn than I can knit right now, and more fiber than I can spin, and my dear Scott keeps letting me buy more, and the stash keeps growing but I can't help myself. I have a beautiful spinning wheel and all the tools I need to keep my hobbies alive and well.

I am grateful for my great job. There are a few issues there, but nothing that can't be worked out eventually. I love what I do and I'm good at it, and that's a great feeling. I work with an awesome bunch of people who all like and care about me. I have good benefits and am fortunate to be full-time, so I have health insurance.

I am thankful for my medicines. Without it there would be no me; of that I am certain. Those five or six little pills a day keep me sane. They preserve my marriage. They keep me functional so I can have all that I have and do all that I do. Without my medicines I would be lost, and probably would have ended it by now.

Most of all, I'm grateful for my Scott. Scott is my shining light. He's so sweet and loving, and a little silly, and it makes me smile every day. He and I have our differences, sure, but we either ignore them (politics, cough) or work with them (I'm such a slob by nature and he's such a neat freak and it takes a lot of work for me to try to be neater and I'm sure it takes even more for him not to FREAK OUT at my messes). Scott is hard-working and only wants my happiness out of this whole entire world. He makes me laugh, and he never makes me cry, except when he's in pain and that makes me so very sad.

You see, I have everything I've ever wanted or needed. I have an amazing life and I would be a fool not to take a moment to appreciate it all.

Text Time 26

Starring Kwiddens, since a couple of these ago she didn't get any texts in.

Kwiddens:

Seriously?

Kwiddens: Kill me. I want you to stab me with something. Just had to do work conduct training. Riddled with grammatical errors.
Me: Uuuugh.
Kwiddens: Any employee (blah blah blah) are required...
Me: Ugh so totally gross.
Kwiddens: "Adherence to company policies regarding these issues comply with state and federal laws is a requirement of all employees." Seriously?
Me: Wut.
Kwiddens: Right?


Kwiddens: What do you call it when you throw NaCl at somebody?
Me: ?
Kwiddens: A salt
Me: Hahahaha
Kwiddens: I'm cheesy and I know it


Kwiddens: Guess what I forgot to bring to work today?
Me: Meds?
Kwiddens: My left shoe.
Me: Hahahahahahahahaha!
Kwiddens: I hope nobody notices...


Me: I want to see the talking baby!
Me: His name is The Cuteness.
Me: Holy cannoli, you are my seester!
Kwiddens: You are the conductor of the potty train!
Me: I totally knew you would say that one!
Kwiddens: Haha

(Movie quotes...)

Pros vs. Cons

There are pros and cons of my taking Abilify. There are pros and cons of taking any medication, for anyone. It's when you weigh them against each other that you decide whether to keep taking the medication or not.

When I first started taking the Abilify, it seemed like I had a bit more energy than I did before, and that it was a little bit easier to pry myself out of bed in the morning to go to my kindasorta boring job every day. But as I've been taking it, I've been feeling more and more tired, and hating my job more and more, and I'm starting to wonder if the job-hating is related to feeling so damn exhausted all the time.

So what are the pros? The gastrointestinal stuff seems to have gone away, so I don't have to worry about that any more. The dry mouth isn't a huge deal; I can ignore that. So overall, there aren't any side effects that I've noticed (or that I care to share...) that are making me hate this, other than feeling so tired. My anxiety over several things has gotten much better (maybe because I'm more sedated...?). I used to have crippling anxiety about driving, especially down to Salt Lake City or to places I've never been before, or anywhere involving left turns without traffic lights (pathetic, I know). There are certain people that I have to be associated with on a regular basis that used to bug the living crap out of me who are now tolerable.

Now, the main reason I switched onto Abilify in the first place was so that I could see if I could lose the weight that I gained when I started the Risperdal all those years ago. So far I haven't put much effort into trying that, but I plan on working on it soonish. It's easy enough for me to lose weight in the first place through dieting, it's just keeping it off that's the issue. I eat carefully for a while and am very good about making reasonable choices when it comes to food, and then I let myself have something unhealthy just this once, and then it landslides from there. It's always been all or nothing for me. But that's been in the past. I've noticed since starting this medication that I don't crave things as often, and I don't crave them nearly as intensely, and when I do eat something I really shouldn't I end up feeling like it doesn't taste as good as it used to, and then I usually just don't want it anymore. I'm wondering if the weight will stay off this time, and so I won't decide for sure if I'm going to stay on this medication or not until after I try for weight loss and maintenance again. If it turns out that the weight just piles on again even when I'm being careful, I'll conclude that the Abilify is going to be just as bad as the Risperdal was, weight-wise, and perhaps switch back, because I'm tired of feeling this tired.

I'm so freaking tired, people.

Blessing Gown

My dear friend is having a baby in the beginning of October. This baby is a miracle baby, ten years in the making, so I wanted to make something incredibly special for her baby shower.

Enter the blessing gown. LDS babies are blessed (usually by their fathers) at about six weeks of age, so I got to make a teeny tiny little dressie!

When I started this project they were told they were having a girl...and then, after I'd gotten pretty far into it, the new doctor said, "Um, yeah, those are testicles." Oops. I had a minor panic, like OH NO I CAN'T MAKE A DRESSIE FOR A BOY but then several people assured me that traditionally many babies are still blessed in gowns, male or female. That was a relief!

So here's the picture on the pattern:

And here's the mega-ball of crochet thread that I used (yes, I made this out of thread):

The biggest part was the first part, the skirt. It was worked in a very large rectangle, and took I think about two months on its own (but I was working on other projects as well, so it wasn't the only thing for two months).

After that an edging was added to the bottom edge of the skirt:

Then the bodice was crocheted onto the skirt (one piece at a time) after gathering it at the top:

Next was making two teeny sleeves (can you believe how small bebby arms are?!):

Setting in the sleeves was a bit difficult, since I had only ever set in sleeves on adult sweaters before, and this was so small and fiddly, but it turned out well:

So here's the gown, with all the actual crocheting finished:

Here's the little bonnet that goes with it, pre-ribbons:

Post-ribbons (completely finished):

And the gown with ribbons, completely done:

And, I had to make it super cute, so when I put it in the gift bag I put it on a teddy bear:

I was super excited to give it to her, which I did at her shower this morning. She loved it! I'm so excited to see it on the baby when he is blessed in December. And I'm equally excited that I can now post this, since she's seen it now.