Food Prophets...?

Me: I'm going to sit in a really hot bath and eat ice cream for dinner. Because I can. Also because life sucks sometimes.

R.: I'm having beer and circus animals for dinner. Because I can, and because my wrist really hurts and it makes me sad. So totally no judgements here. BTW, what flavor of ice cream?

Me: Cherry Garcia. Plus Magic Shell.

R.: Excellent. If it was vanilla, I'd judge the shit out of you.

Me: No. I'm worth more decadence than vanilla.

R.: Everyone is. Vanilla should be considered a pie topping only, not a flavor.

Me: I like vanilla if it's smothered in caramel. And I do mean SMOTHERED.

R.: So really it's just a device on which to deposit caramel for easier transport to one's facehole. It's not a "flavor".

Me: It's like french fries. They're just a vehicle for fry sauce.

R.: Precisely. And macaroni is just a vehicle for cheese.

Me: It appears you and I are soulmates.

R.: I think we should combine our powers and proselytize our view on food. We'd change the world! Or at least the grocery store. "Vanilla ice cream and pasta are condiments and therefore excluded from caloric content"

Me: Amen!

R.:  I knew you'd be moved to see the face of God through these words. Truly we are food prophets.